As Hubby and I quickly approach our 23rd year of wedded bliss, I am forced to look back over the years, mostly with wonder but, I will admit, also with a little bit of dismay. Is it possible that I have been married over half of my life? No matter that my age will soon be 43, most days I still feel (and admittedly act) like a 20-something. That ain't all bad though...seems like some people tend to enjoy me and my quirky/snarky/obnoxious/kind personality.
I remember, way back in the day when the kids were small, looking around at my piles of laundry, dirty dishes in the sink, floors needing cleaned, beds needing made, and basically saying "screw it". My philosophy at that time is that there will be plenty of time when my boys are bigger to worry about that shit. You know what? I must have been wise beyond my years, because that is exactly right! As hubby and I settle comfortably into what can only be referred to as middle age, my house is cleaner, admittedly due to having a cleaning lady, my laundry is usually done, dishes are clean and I rarely have a panic attack if unexpected visitors stop by. There are no longer Legos, hot wheels, video games, crackers and cookies, and all the other kid paraphernalia strung all over the house, that will inevitably be tripped over, crushed, or stepped on. This brings me to the topic of the day/week/month depending on how creative I feel.
I think every parent is guilty of saying/thinking something along the lines of "I will be glad when...". This can be finished off with several comments: ...he can finally support his own head, ...when he crawls, ...when he walks, ...when he is potty trained, ...when he starts school, ...when I am no longer a chauffer. About the time my oldest started driving is when I began to regret every single one of those thoughts. I would have gladly gone back to the day I thought each one of them and try to slow things down. I would have taken more time to really enjoy those little things that I may not have fully appreciated. Instead of grumbling about having to help with the homework, I would enjoy that one on one time. Instead of checking my watch, wondering when I would be able to get back to work or home, I would have sat there and enjoyed my child learning how to field a grounder, shoot a free throw, spank himself during the Christmas program, and so on. But, alas, you can't go back and change how you did things. I do know that Hubby and I have worked hard for 23 years to provide our kids a good home, good morals, self reliance and a strong sense of family. That's something we are both very proud of and think that we did a damn good job of.
Now as the time has flown by, Hubby and I often find ourselves alone with each other with nothing to do. We no longer have to worry about picking someone up from school or practice, running them here or there, checking math facts, or sending them to bed. This has been quite the adjustment for us..and to be honest, a whole new getting to know each other period in our lives. We have spent the last 23 years being totally focused on the kids. We were PARENTS, not Suzi and Hubby. The world revolved, as it should, around the kids, their needs, and work. There wasn't a whole lot of Suzi & Hubby time and when we did have it, all we would talk about was school, kid troubles/achievements, and work. Now, as our children make their own way more and more, we finally have the time to get to know each other once again. Thankfully, we still like each other!
I used to think that when people hit a certain age that they were "set" in their marriage. I mean really, after 10 or 15 years, what could possibly go wrong? I sure wasn't very wise in that area now was I? As Hubby and I have worked our way through these growing pains, I can more understand the divorce rate. PLEASE, don't read into this that Hubby and I are on the verge! That couldn't be further from the truth! I am just sharing some knowledge that I have acquired. People are so darn busy with work, play, etc that sometimes we forget to say and do the little things that mean so much. The very simple "thank you" that we all sometimes forget, the unexpected hug and/or kiss that happens "just because". What I have learned, as these pains have all but ceased, is to slow down, relax, and listen. Enjoy every moment as much as possible. It's amazing how much of a difference it can make when you show the same courtesy, care and compassion to your loved one as you do to the stranger on the street. Random acts of kindness should always start at home, for the people who see you at your worst.
Just my thoughts today! Wishing you all get a random hug and kiss from someone who loves you!!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Self discovery at it's finest!
It’s that time of year. The time we all sit back and take stock of our lives. At least I do. I find that I am much more aware of everything around me during this time of year. This has been a year of big change for me. I have learned more about myself in the last 12 months than the previous 40 years. I finally have figured out a few things about myself that I really never knew. Maybe I did know them just didn’t ever truly embrace them.
First thing I learned about myself: I am a pretty darn strong woman. Not physically because in all honesty, I am a wimp on that end of things. I am speaking from the emotional side of things. I feel like 2013 has been my year for adversity and damnit when I look back, I think I handled my shit pretty darn well and have come to this day a much better person who is at peace with herself and those in my life.
Second thing is that overall, I AM a good person. I don’t go back on my word, I am a kind and caring soul, and I stand by my friends and family through it all and they do the same for me. I would never sacrifice a friendship to better myself, I do everything in my power to help those I can, and god help you if you try to hurt someone I care for. And yes, I have finally realized that I deserve this wonderful life that I have. If that sounds cocky then so be it as I have also become a lot more confident in myself and my opinions.
Third thing: We are blessed that my son has brought a new young woman into our family along with her darling little girl. Hubby and I are both enjoying the “unofficial” grandparent role that we are playing. Hubby is keeping the candy dish full of M&M’s and loves feeding her chocolate and Mt. Dew. Who would ever thought we would enjoy picking out clothing and toys for girls?? We both think we are going to enjoy spoiling that little turd. I will tell you one thing, this young woman and her little girl are making my son the happiest I have seen him in a long time and that just warms my heart like you can’t imagine.
The last, really major revelation about myself is that I DO actually care what people think about me. I have lived most of my life saying I don’t give two shits what people think about me. And to a point that is true. I am perfectly comfortable leaving the house in my sweat pants, ball cap, no shower and no make-up or I am just as comfortable going out, dressed up and looking good. If someone wants to judge me based on my appearance then I can do nothing about that. But when it comes to my character I have found that I do care. I have went through a bit of character assassination during the past year and that really bothers me. Not so much about who is saying it but that people may actually think that it is a true picture of who/what I am. While I have come to understand I can’t change what people may think of me in that case, I do care that they think it and try my best daily to disprove the rumors. Don’t get me wrong, I am still going to express myself loudly and proudly. I am still probably going to have nights that I drink too much and act like a fool, I am still going to share my inappropriate thoughts on Facebook, and I am still going to be the smartass that y’all love.
All in all, it’s been a good year. I am looking forward to next year and am excited about all of the possibilities that are out there. Not just for me but for everyone. I have never been one to make resolutions at New Years. Hell, why waste my breath? I am much more comfortable saying the following statements:
To my husband: You are my best friend and the love of my life. You keep me grounded when I need to be, you hold me back from punching people when I lose my temper, (even though you probably would like to put a gag on me as well) and you put up with my weirdness with the tolerance and patience of a saint. I will keep doing all the things I do that make you shake your head while grinning. You are my rock.
To my kids: I will continue to love and support you no matter what. I will appreciate what you do and will treasure the joy you bring me. I will push you to achieve everything you are capable of and will be your biggest cheerleader while you make it happen. I know how blessed I really am. Take all the lessons you learn and pass them on as you grow.
To my friends: I will be there for anything you need and will never turn my back on you. I will defend you to my last breath, I will drink with you until we are all stupid, and I may occasionally laugh so hard I piss my pants. And the really neat thing is, you will all do the same for and with me!
It is my sincerest wish to any and all who read this that you find yourself surrounded by family, friends and love during the holiday season. Take the time to really enjoy and appreciate all that you have and maybe try to share that with someone who isn’t as fortunate as you are. Peace and Love my friends! Merry Christmas!
First thing I learned about myself: I am a pretty darn strong woman. Not physically because in all honesty, I am a wimp on that end of things. I am speaking from the emotional side of things. I feel like 2013 has been my year for adversity and damnit when I look back, I think I handled my shit pretty darn well and have come to this day a much better person who is at peace with herself and those in my life.
Second thing is that overall, I AM a good person. I don’t go back on my word, I am a kind and caring soul, and I stand by my friends and family through it all and they do the same for me. I would never sacrifice a friendship to better myself, I do everything in my power to help those I can, and god help you if you try to hurt someone I care for. And yes, I have finally realized that I deserve this wonderful life that I have. If that sounds cocky then so be it as I have also become a lot more confident in myself and my opinions.
Third thing: We are blessed that my son has brought a new young woman into our family along with her darling little girl. Hubby and I are both enjoying the “unofficial” grandparent role that we are playing. Hubby is keeping the candy dish full of M&M’s and loves feeding her chocolate and Mt. Dew. Who would ever thought we would enjoy picking out clothing and toys for girls?? We both think we are going to enjoy spoiling that little turd. I will tell you one thing, this young woman and her little girl are making my son the happiest I have seen him in a long time and that just warms my heart like you can’t imagine.
The last, really major revelation about myself is that I DO actually care what people think about me. I have lived most of my life saying I don’t give two shits what people think about me. And to a point that is true. I am perfectly comfortable leaving the house in my sweat pants, ball cap, no shower and no make-up or I am just as comfortable going out, dressed up and looking good. If someone wants to judge me based on my appearance then I can do nothing about that. But when it comes to my character I have found that I do care. I have went through a bit of character assassination during the past year and that really bothers me. Not so much about who is saying it but that people may actually think that it is a true picture of who/what I am. While I have come to understand I can’t change what people may think of me in that case, I do care that they think it and try my best daily to disprove the rumors. Don’t get me wrong, I am still going to express myself loudly and proudly. I am still probably going to have nights that I drink too much and act like a fool, I am still going to share my inappropriate thoughts on Facebook, and I am still going to be the smartass that y’all love.
All in all, it’s been a good year. I am looking forward to next year and am excited about all of the possibilities that are out there. Not just for me but for everyone. I have never been one to make resolutions at New Years. Hell, why waste my breath? I am much more comfortable saying the following statements:
To my husband: You are my best friend and the love of my life. You keep me grounded when I need to be, you hold me back from punching people when I lose my temper, (even though you probably would like to put a gag on me as well) and you put up with my weirdness with the tolerance and patience of a saint. I will keep doing all the things I do that make you shake your head while grinning. You are my rock.
To my kids: I will continue to love and support you no matter what. I will appreciate what you do and will treasure the joy you bring me. I will push you to achieve everything you are capable of and will be your biggest cheerleader while you make it happen. I know how blessed I really am. Take all the lessons you learn and pass them on as you grow.
To my friends: I will be there for anything you need and will never turn my back on you. I will defend you to my last breath, I will drink with you until we are all stupid, and I may occasionally laugh so hard I piss my pants. And the really neat thing is, you will all do the same for and with me!
It is my sincerest wish to any and all who read this that you find yourself surrounded by family, friends and love during the holiday season. Take the time to really enjoy and appreciate all that you have and maybe try to share that with someone who isn’t as fortunate as you are. Peace and Love my friends! Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Infomercial Temptations!
Hubby is a connoisseur of infomercial buying. He just loves the gadgets and gizmos that people are hawking late at night. Through the years we have experimented with everything from Ginsu knives to Eggies. (Don’t waste your money on either!)
There was a time about 12 years ago that he had a fairly severe knee injury that happened at work. He was laid up at home, on crutches and pretty much couch bound. Apparently this isn’t a good combo for him because about day 3 of this I return home from work w/ the kids and find him asleep on the couch with the cordless phone in one hand and his credit card in the other. EEEK! 4 – 6 weeks later, his purchases start rolling in. WOW was about all I could say to this phenomenon. I resolved then and there to do everything I could to block this type of purchase in the future.
Low and behold, 4-6 weeks ago (you know, they always say “please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery”) Hubby musta had a relapse. I went to the mailbox yesterday and found a large package crammed in there. Not thinking too much about it as I had been doing a lot of online shopping, I took it home and opened it up. “StuffZ”? What in the world is this? And why are there 3 of them??
After reading the directions I realize that we have another gadget in our kitchen. This handy, dandy little gadget lets you make stuffed hamburgers in your very own kitchen, with little mess and lots of fun, so the advert says anyway. I check out the gizmo and put it together…hmmm, this could be a neat way to fix up a burger, why not? I thaw out hamburger, fry up some bacon, shred cheese, and slice up some jalapeno peppers. Over the course of the next 90 minutes I proceed to say a whole lot of cuss words and probably threw a thing or two across the kitchen. Yes, it really took me 90 minutes to make 8 “stuffed” burgers. Hubby comes home and is all excited that his purchase arrived and the product of this new gadget is cooking on the grill.
To be perfectly honest, once I got the hang of working this tool, it was a pretty neat idea and the burgers turned out very good. I was just surprised how long the learning curve was! I don’t think I will do this every time I grill burgers, but to mix things up now and then, it was probably $9.99 (maybe) well spent.
One a different note, December is considered “pay it forward” month. Take some time, and maybe a dollar or ten and do something kind for a complete stranger. If you can’t spare any money, give yourself by helping physically. You never know when it may be you who needs that helping hand.
Hubby and I donated to be able to ride a party bus last weekend. We went with old friends and made many new friends. While some of the stories may not be suitable for public consumption, let me suffice it to say it was one HELL of a good time and for a worthy cause that we were proud to support.
I wish you all the best during this holiday season!
There was a time about 12 years ago that he had a fairly severe knee injury that happened at work. He was laid up at home, on crutches and pretty much couch bound. Apparently this isn’t a good combo for him because about day 3 of this I return home from work w/ the kids and find him asleep on the couch with the cordless phone in one hand and his credit card in the other. EEEK! 4 – 6 weeks later, his purchases start rolling in. WOW was about all I could say to this phenomenon. I resolved then and there to do everything I could to block this type of purchase in the future.
Low and behold, 4-6 weeks ago (you know, they always say “please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery”) Hubby musta had a relapse. I went to the mailbox yesterday and found a large package crammed in there. Not thinking too much about it as I had been doing a lot of online shopping, I took it home and opened it up. “StuffZ”? What in the world is this? And why are there 3 of them??
After reading the directions I realize that we have another gadget in our kitchen. This handy, dandy little gadget lets you make stuffed hamburgers in your very own kitchen, with little mess and lots of fun, so the advert says anyway. I check out the gizmo and put it together…hmmm, this could be a neat way to fix up a burger, why not? I thaw out hamburger, fry up some bacon, shred cheese, and slice up some jalapeno peppers. Over the course of the next 90 minutes I proceed to say a whole lot of cuss words and probably threw a thing or two across the kitchen. Yes, it really took me 90 minutes to make 8 “stuffed” burgers. Hubby comes home and is all excited that his purchase arrived and the product of this new gadget is cooking on the grill.
To be perfectly honest, once I got the hang of working this tool, it was a pretty neat idea and the burgers turned out very good. I was just surprised how long the learning curve was! I don’t think I will do this every time I grill burgers, but to mix things up now and then, it was probably $9.99 (maybe) well spent.
One a different note, December is considered “pay it forward” month. Take some time, and maybe a dollar or ten and do something kind for a complete stranger. If you can’t spare any money, give yourself by helping physically. You never know when it may be you who needs that helping hand.
Hubby and I donated to be able to ride a party bus last weekend. We went with old friends and made many new friends. While some of the stories may not be suitable for public consumption, let me suffice it to say it was one HELL of a good time and for a worthy cause that we were proud to support.
I wish you all the best during this holiday season!
Monday, November 18, 2013
The more things change....
Wow, it's hard to believe that the holidays are coming full steam! Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of my dad passing away. Can't believe it's went by this fast. I would like to think I am healing and moving on with life as I should. Most days, I would say 'yup, doing ok'.
My Army man has found a new girlfriend. I approve, not that it matters one way or another in the whole scheme of things. She seems like a nice young woman and I am pretty sure that her little girl is going to have me wrapped around her little finger if I get to spend very much time with her at all. The first night I met the little one, after just a few hours she wanted to give me "happy smacks". I wasn't sure exactly what to expect, because when you have raised two boys, a smack is not usually a good thing! But apparently a 'happy smack' from a sweet little 2 year old involves hugs and kisses! The best thing about the new girl in his life is that he is happier than I have seen him in months, if not years. I have a feeling that if the little one and her mom hang around much longer that I will have to come up with aliases for them so that they can be included in this blog. I am betting the little one will provide much fodder for me to write about. Probably making more fun of myself and my struggles with dealing with little girls, hair ribbons, baby dolls, etc. OMG..I just freaked myself out a bit with that thought....
My little guy just turned 16 a couple days ago and bought his first car. We are calling it the pimp mobile as it is a black Cadillac. He has bought a good car at a reasonable price so that is all good, even though the cassette deck confused him a fair amount. Talk about a change in lifestyle for Hubby and I! I remember when Army man got his license he disappeared at every opportunity. Now that the Little Guy is driving, hubby and I are kinda sitting around looking at each other a lot wondering what to do? No kid to pick up after school, no practice to sit in the parking lot waiting on completion, etc! It's kinda nice and a lot strange. Little Guy is a lot less confident in driving around by himself than what his older brother was, but he will get there and will be disappearing more and more. Job applications are flying through his little hands as fast as he can fill them out. He is desperate to find a job that doesn't involve hogs and Boss Dad!
Date night came into play last Saturday and it was nice to be able to go out once again, just the two of us. We visited the Tuscany Grill in Robinson and was very impressed. Went to walmart afterward (wahoo!) and came home. I think Hubby and I are going to have to revamp the date night rules so that WalMart isn't an option for entertainment on date night. I am hoping this adjustment period will go smoothly for hubby and I as we learn even more about being US again as opposed to just being Dad and Mom.
Our youngest wiener has completely went nuts the last couple weeks. I swear she has a little wiener meth lab hidden somewhere in the house. She goes from perfectly normal, napping wiener to full on psycho mode at the drop of a hat. I don't think all three of the previous wieners were nearly as ornery and destructive as this one little shit is. Another underwear buying mission will soon have to be completed, for the whole family! ..little pervy wiener is hell on them!
Proud mom moment also recently occurred. My Little guy asked me if we were once again going to deliver gifts to Crossroads Cancer patients like we did last year. My heart just swelled when I realized how well both of my boys have learned the whole 'random act of kindness' lessons. And yes, the good Lord willing, we will once again deliver Christmas cards with a little something something in it for the patients, hopefully making their Christmas just a little easier while they fight the cancer beast. And who knows...maybe the new girlfriend and her little one (man, I really gotta name them!) will join us in what I hope continues as a family holiday tradition!
Last but not least, I spent most of the month of October with my big brother working at cleaning up dad's place and preparing his final resting place. I am so proud of how everything turned out. Dad and Mom are resting together, as they should be. It has finally been decided that my Army man will for sure have Dad's place. This makes me very happy knowing that it will remain in the family. Army Man is buying the pond side of the land from my brother and I am deeding the house and what would have been my property over to him. He will have a nice place to start building his life with and hubby and I will always have fishing rights. ;)
Getting this task completed and completed well, if I do say so myself, has helped me more than anything else this past year. Big Brother and I are closer now than what we have ever been and that is such a treasure to me. I hope he reads this and realizes how very important that he and his family are to me and mine!
Happy Monday folks, if you get a chance...help out a complete stranger whenever you can. You will be amazed at the kindness that comes back to you!
My Army man has found a new girlfriend. I approve, not that it matters one way or another in the whole scheme of things. She seems like a nice young woman and I am pretty sure that her little girl is going to have me wrapped around her little finger if I get to spend very much time with her at all. The first night I met the little one, after just a few hours she wanted to give me "happy smacks". I wasn't sure exactly what to expect, because when you have raised two boys, a smack is not usually a good thing! But apparently a 'happy smack' from a sweet little 2 year old involves hugs and kisses! The best thing about the new girl in his life is that he is happier than I have seen him in months, if not years. I have a feeling that if the little one and her mom hang around much longer that I will have to come up with aliases for them so that they can be included in this blog. I am betting the little one will provide much fodder for me to write about. Probably making more fun of myself and my struggles with dealing with little girls, hair ribbons, baby dolls, etc. OMG..I just freaked myself out a bit with that thought....
My little guy just turned 16 a couple days ago and bought his first car. We are calling it the pimp mobile as it is a black Cadillac. He has bought a good car at a reasonable price so that is all good, even though the cassette deck confused him a fair amount. Talk about a change in lifestyle for Hubby and I! I remember when Army man got his license he disappeared at every opportunity. Now that the Little Guy is driving, hubby and I are kinda sitting around looking at each other a lot wondering what to do? No kid to pick up after school, no practice to sit in the parking lot waiting on completion, etc! It's kinda nice and a lot strange. Little Guy is a lot less confident in driving around by himself than what his older brother was, but he will get there and will be disappearing more and more. Job applications are flying through his little hands as fast as he can fill them out. He is desperate to find a job that doesn't involve hogs and Boss Dad!
Date night came into play last Saturday and it was nice to be able to go out once again, just the two of us. We visited the Tuscany Grill in Robinson and was very impressed. Went to walmart afterward (wahoo!) and came home. I think Hubby and I are going to have to revamp the date night rules so that WalMart isn't an option for entertainment on date night. I am hoping this adjustment period will go smoothly for hubby and I as we learn even more about being US again as opposed to just being Dad and Mom.
Our youngest wiener has completely went nuts the last couple weeks. I swear she has a little wiener meth lab hidden somewhere in the house. She goes from perfectly normal, napping wiener to full on psycho mode at the drop of a hat. I don't think all three of the previous wieners were nearly as ornery and destructive as this one little shit is. Another underwear buying mission will soon have to be completed, for the whole family! ..little pervy wiener is hell on them!
Proud mom moment also recently occurred. My Little guy asked me if we were once again going to deliver gifts to Crossroads Cancer patients like we did last year. My heart just swelled when I realized how well both of my boys have learned the whole 'random act of kindness' lessons. And yes, the good Lord willing, we will once again deliver Christmas cards with a little something something in it for the patients, hopefully making their Christmas just a little easier while they fight the cancer beast. And who knows...maybe the new girlfriend and her little one (man, I really gotta name them!) will join us in what I hope continues as a family holiday tradition!
Last but not least, I spent most of the month of October with my big brother working at cleaning up dad's place and preparing his final resting place. I am so proud of how everything turned out. Dad and Mom are resting together, as they should be. It has finally been decided that my Army man will for sure have Dad's place. This makes me very happy knowing that it will remain in the family. Army Man is buying the pond side of the land from my brother and I am deeding the house and what would have been my property over to him. He will have a nice place to start building his life with and hubby and I will always have fishing rights. ;)
Getting this task completed and completed well, if I do say so myself, has helped me more than anything else this past year. Big Brother and I are closer now than what we have ever been and that is such a treasure to me. I hope he reads this and realizes how very important that he and his family are to me and mine!
Happy Monday folks, if you get a chance...help out a complete stranger whenever you can. You will be amazed at the kindness that comes back to you!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Still learning.....
Personally, I hate that feeling of being “out of control” when I am pissed off. I freely admit I have a temper although I am usually able to keep myself under control and not retaliate more than a couple verbal shots to the offender’s ego. But, if you make me mad enough that I cry….watch out, I am close to the explosion that, more than likely, you deserve. I don’t cry easily or often. I don’t like to cry, it makes my nose get all red and stuffy and my face gets all blotchy.
There was an incident a while ago that brought me to tears in a very public way, right on the sideline of a varsity football game. Without going into complete detail, lets just summarize the incident into a brief sentence: “You were adopted by Leo, you aren’t even his real kid”. Talk about a kick in the teeth! That comment really hurt which in turn made me so angry I could do nothing but stand there with tears rolling down my face and my heart breaking.
I have known since I was old enough to understand the phrase, that Dad had adopted me. Dad met me for the first time when I was six weeks old and I have never thought of Dad as anything but “Dad”. He chose to legally make my brother and I his own shortly after getting married to my mom. What really knocked me on my ass about this comment wasn’t the attack on me but the lack of respect it showed my dad and his memory. How could someone question his intentions for my brother and I almost 42 years after he made that decision? He taught me how to fish, ride two wheel bikes, and applied band-aids as needed. He raised me to know how to work, what respect is, and how good you feel when you help others just because you can. He was always there for me to lean on when I needed to and later on, he knew I would always be there for him. Dad raised my brother and I as his kids and I can, without a doubt in my mind, say he never thought about the process anymore than what we did.
I freely admit that when I heard this, I lost it. I said some things that were probably uncalled for and really not nice at all. After loosing sleep over this, shedding tears, saying a whole lot of words that aren’t very Christian, and throwing/kicking many things, I started to calm down a bit. I admit, it took me a while to calm down enough to think through the problem, but I eventually did.
When I took the time to rationally go through everything that had happened, my focus cleared up a bit. Not only could I see what the intentions behind this comment were, I could also see the emotions behind it. The anger & bitterness, while directed at me, stem from feelings regret and jealousy. Nothing I say or do can cure these problems for someone else. That’s for them to deal with and hopefully heal from. I made my choices over the last several years; I live with them and have no real regrets or doubts about my choices.
While I will never forget the intentional pain inflicted by this comment and the many others, I will learn to turn the other cheek as often as I need to. (Thank Jim K, I needed that reminder!!) I will continue to be the person my Dad raised me to be: A good wife, mother, sister, and friend. Someone who is honest, who works hard, plays often, and whose character and integrity are not often questioned. With that being said, I am not nor will I ever be a doormat that people can just walk all over. I will stand for what I believe is right and may the good Lord be by your side if you try to hurt me or mine.
And how are you?
There was an incident a while ago that brought me to tears in a very public way, right on the sideline of a varsity football game. Without going into complete detail, lets just summarize the incident into a brief sentence: “You were adopted by Leo, you aren’t even his real kid”. Talk about a kick in the teeth! That comment really hurt which in turn made me so angry I could do nothing but stand there with tears rolling down my face and my heart breaking.
I have known since I was old enough to understand the phrase, that Dad had adopted me. Dad met me for the first time when I was six weeks old and I have never thought of Dad as anything but “Dad”. He chose to legally make my brother and I his own shortly after getting married to my mom. What really knocked me on my ass about this comment wasn’t the attack on me but the lack of respect it showed my dad and his memory. How could someone question his intentions for my brother and I almost 42 years after he made that decision? He taught me how to fish, ride two wheel bikes, and applied band-aids as needed. He raised me to know how to work, what respect is, and how good you feel when you help others just because you can. He was always there for me to lean on when I needed to and later on, he knew I would always be there for him. Dad raised my brother and I as his kids and I can, without a doubt in my mind, say he never thought about the process anymore than what we did.
I freely admit that when I heard this, I lost it. I said some things that were probably uncalled for and really not nice at all. After loosing sleep over this, shedding tears, saying a whole lot of words that aren’t very Christian, and throwing/kicking many things, I started to calm down a bit. I admit, it took me a while to calm down enough to think through the problem, but I eventually did.
When I took the time to rationally go through everything that had happened, my focus cleared up a bit. Not only could I see what the intentions behind this comment were, I could also see the emotions behind it. The anger & bitterness, while directed at me, stem from feelings regret and jealousy. Nothing I say or do can cure these problems for someone else. That’s for them to deal with and hopefully heal from. I made my choices over the last several years; I live with them and have no real regrets or doubts about my choices.
While I will never forget the intentional pain inflicted by this comment and the many others, I will learn to turn the other cheek as often as I need to. (Thank Jim K, I needed that reminder!!) I will continue to be the person my Dad raised me to be: A good wife, mother, sister, and friend. Someone who is honest, who works hard, plays often, and whose character and integrity are not often questioned. With that being said, I am not nor will I ever be a doormat that people can just walk all over. I will stand for what I believe is right and may the good Lord be by your side if you try to hurt me or mine.
And how are you?
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Health Care Reform...my ass!
A while ago my little guy was complaining of pain in his knee and down to his leg. For the first little while, we blamed it on the fact that he had grown almost 6 inches in seven months and that football was becoming pretty physical. After working with the athletic trainer for a while, the trainer thought it would be a good idea to send the little guy to an Ortho to get the knee and leg more thoroughly examined. An appointment was made for Wednesday morning and away we went.
The first thing the Doctor did was order X-rays of his knee and leg. We sit in the exam room for what seems like forever, waiting on the doctor. When he finally comes in, I could sense right away he was concerned. Call it mom-stinct or whatever, but my stomach immediately clenched up and I felt the beginnings of panic setting in. There are times when being able to read people well is more of a curse than a blessing. The doctor begins to examine the little guy but he wasn’t focusing on his knee hardly at all. He was really poking and prodding down in the upper shin and calf areas. Several minutes pass and the doctor finally moves up to his knee and does all the knee tests that I am so very familiar with. The doctor completes his exam and sits down. He buzzes his nurse asking her to bring in his laptop so that he can show me the x-rays.
The doctor starts off with the knee and says that there may be a small meniscus tear but he thinks that the knee is structurally sound. But…(I hate when Doctors say “But”) there are two spots showing on the x-ray in the upper shin area of Little Guy’s leg that shouldn’t be there. Spots?? What the hell? He is only 15! I ask if the spots are bruising in his leg from a hit or something. The doctor says no, these are within the bone itself and we need to get a clearer picture of them to determine if they are cancerous or not.
Talk about a gut check. I felt the urge to vomit right there, all over his slick little Apple computer. I look over at Little Guy to check his reaction. He is completely engrossed in his ipod and not paying any attention at all, which is somewhat of a relief. Kids shouldn’t have to hear stuff like that, should they? I try to tell myself that I am not hearing him right. Surely, we can’t be discussing the big C when it comes to my baby boy, right?! The Doctor patiently explains to me again what his fears are with the spots as I am doing everything I can to make him change what he just said.
Finally, Control Freak Suzi asserts herself and I start asking where we go from here. I am a planner, damnit; give me a plan to focus on so my mind will take over and my guts can settle. The doctor wants to do an MRI of the knee and leg so that a very clear picture of these spots can be made. Great, lets get that done. I/we can wait all day to get one done. What time shall we be back for the MRI today? Well, low and behold, we can’t get it done today. I am at a loss. We can’t get this test done today? When my Army man and Hubby had knee injuries, the MRI’s were done w/in hours of the appointment. The scheduling nurse patiently explains to me that with all the regulations and changes that have come to pass due to “Obama Care” we will have to wait for insurance approval. (Flipping Obama Care! Grrrr!) An MRI was scheduled for Monday morning and a follow up appointment on the next Wednesday to get the results.
Okay, waiting a few days for an answer isn’t awful, I can handle this, right? Yup, I suck it up, put on my brave face and take Little Guy to school. I go home, find Hubby and explain the situation to him. We are both worried and feeling a little ill. Hubby asked what Little Guy thought about everything. I have to snort at this point because Little Guy was completely oblivious to the gut wrenching conversation that took place right in front of him, all he knew is that he has to have an MRI done and that he doesn’t want surgery if his meniscus is torn until after football season is over. Hubby and I decided that it wasn’t necessary to fully explain the details of the visit unless he asked about them. We both agreed that a 15 year old shouldn’t have to worry about this until it was absolutely necessary for him to have to worry about it. So the wait begins…..
Friday evening my phone rings. It is the scheduling nurse that we worked with to get the MRI set up. Well, we can’t do the MRI Monday because the insurance company hasn’t approved it. WHAT?! What do you mean they haven’t approved it? Why are you calling me at 4:45 pm on Friday to tell me this? Ohhh, I am pissed! I call my insurance agent and again it is explained to me that due to Obama Care, our insurance may not allow the MRI to happen right away. The case will have to be reviewed by the company’s medical team and a decision made as it whether or not this test is really needed, so on and so forth. Don’t get me wrong, our agent is the complete shit when it comes to our insurance needs, I am not knocking him at all. By this time, it is after 5 pm and all hands are tied. Our agent tells me that first thing Monday, he will do whatever he can do to get the ball rolling on this. I call the scheduling nurse back (poor thing, she bore the brunt of pissed off Mama Bear pretty well) and she is just as frustrated as I am, it seems. It’s always interesting to get the opinion of folks who work in the medical field about the Obama Care bullshit. The MRI is rescheduled for Wednesday pending insurance approval. With the help of the Doctor, our agent and a little bit of pissed off mama bear, the Wednesday morning MRI is approved by Monday afternoon.
MRI get’s done and the Dr’s office calls to ask us to go ahead and come in to get the results that day. They have sent the MRI off to get an immediate reading (technology is a wonderful thing). The spots are NOT cancerous, they are just deformities in his bone that will cause no long-term effects or problems. And the knee shows a small amount of fluid build up due to a slight sprain (stretching) of his MCL. There is nothing to worry about on either issue. Words can’t really describe the relief I felt upon hearing this. I say a silent thank you prayer and look at my little guy. Rhut Roh…he is PISSED!
As we walk out of the office and get into the truck my Little Guy is fuming. He asks why we didn’t tell him that the MRI was checking him for cancer? Didn’t we think he had a right to know this? He is completely full of 15-year-old hormone outrage. I told him that the doctor had explained everything the first visit when we were both in the room and that he just wasn’t paying attention. Hubby and I had discussed it and felt that it was not necessary to put that type of stress onto him. Little Guy was still upset and felt we mislead him about everything. I told him that I would lie down in front of a train to keep him from having to go through that type of stress and worry at his age. I refused to apologize for it and would make the same choice everyday for the next year if I had to. He was mad for a while, but after a couple of days I think he began to understand our position on this.
By now you are probably wondering why I have went into this long-winded dissertation about a simple knee sprain. Well folks, you need to educate yourselves about “Obama Care” and all of its repercussions. Did you know that when this plan fully takes effect, you could be told when and where you can see a doctor? If I find a lump in my breast, I could be put on a list for the next available mammogram, which may not take place for 6 months or more? So much for early detection and treatment! The government and the insurance company will be telling YOUR doctor what is needed, not the other way around. I could go on for many more pages about my findings when I took the time to educate myself about this bullshit. Not what the news told me, not what I read on Facebook, but actual honest to God education. For your own sakes, talk to a nurse, ask your doctor, talk to your insurance agent, talk to a congressman who knows (snort!) the ever-changing facts about Obama Care. And beware…if anyone tells you that they completely understand the nonsense that is the Obama Care health act, you should call bullshit on them at once.
Take the time and help yourself folks…. you never know when it may be your 15 year old child facing the possibility of the big C,…and then it’s up to some unknown entity who couldn’t give two shits about him that will decide if and when he gets the necessary testing and/or treatment.
The first thing the Doctor did was order X-rays of his knee and leg. We sit in the exam room for what seems like forever, waiting on the doctor. When he finally comes in, I could sense right away he was concerned. Call it mom-stinct or whatever, but my stomach immediately clenched up and I felt the beginnings of panic setting in. There are times when being able to read people well is more of a curse than a blessing. The doctor begins to examine the little guy but he wasn’t focusing on his knee hardly at all. He was really poking and prodding down in the upper shin and calf areas. Several minutes pass and the doctor finally moves up to his knee and does all the knee tests that I am so very familiar with. The doctor completes his exam and sits down. He buzzes his nurse asking her to bring in his laptop so that he can show me the x-rays.
The doctor starts off with the knee and says that there may be a small meniscus tear but he thinks that the knee is structurally sound. But…(I hate when Doctors say “But”) there are two spots showing on the x-ray in the upper shin area of Little Guy’s leg that shouldn’t be there. Spots?? What the hell? He is only 15! I ask if the spots are bruising in his leg from a hit or something. The doctor says no, these are within the bone itself and we need to get a clearer picture of them to determine if they are cancerous or not.
Talk about a gut check. I felt the urge to vomit right there, all over his slick little Apple computer. I look over at Little Guy to check his reaction. He is completely engrossed in his ipod and not paying any attention at all, which is somewhat of a relief. Kids shouldn’t have to hear stuff like that, should they? I try to tell myself that I am not hearing him right. Surely, we can’t be discussing the big C when it comes to my baby boy, right?! The Doctor patiently explains to me again what his fears are with the spots as I am doing everything I can to make him change what he just said.
Finally, Control Freak Suzi asserts herself and I start asking where we go from here. I am a planner, damnit; give me a plan to focus on so my mind will take over and my guts can settle. The doctor wants to do an MRI of the knee and leg so that a very clear picture of these spots can be made. Great, lets get that done. I/we can wait all day to get one done. What time shall we be back for the MRI today? Well, low and behold, we can’t get it done today. I am at a loss. We can’t get this test done today? When my Army man and Hubby had knee injuries, the MRI’s were done w/in hours of the appointment. The scheduling nurse patiently explains to me that with all the regulations and changes that have come to pass due to “Obama Care” we will have to wait for insurance approval. (Flipping Obama Care! Grrrr!) An MRI was scheduled for Monday morning and a follow up appointment on the next Wednesday to get the results.
Okay, waiting a few days for an answer isn’t awful, I can handle this, right? Yup, I suck it up, put on my brave face and take Little Guy to school. I go home, find Hubby and explain the situation to him. We are both worried and feeling a little ill. Hubby asked what Little Guy thought about everything. I have to snort at this point because Little Guy was completely oblivious to the gut wrenching conversation that took place right in front of him, all he knew is that he has to have an MRI done and that he doesn’t want surgery if his meniscus is torn until after football season is over. Hubby and I decided that it wasn’t necessary to fully explain the details of the visit unless he asked about them. We both agreed that a 15 year old shouldn’t have to worry about this until it was absolutely necessary for him to have to worry about it. So the wait begins…..
Friday evening my phone rings. It is the scheduling nurse that we worked with to get the MRI set up. Well, we can’t do the MRI Monday because the insurance company hasn’t approved it. WHAT?! What do you mean they haven’t approved it? Why are you calling me at 4:45 pm on Friday to tell me this? Ohhh, I am pissed! I call my insurance agent and again it is explained to me that due to Obama Care, our insurance may not allow the MRI to happen right away. The case will have to be reviewed by the company’s medical team and a decision made as it whether or not this test is really needed, so on and so forth. Don’t get me wrong, our agent is the complete shit when it comes to our insurance needs, I am not knocking him at all. By this time, it is after 5 pm and all hands are tied. Our agent tells me that first thing Monday, he will do whatever he can do to get the ball rolling on this. I call the scheduling nurse back (poor thing, she bore the brunt of pissed off Mama Bear pretty well) and she is just as frustrated as I am, it seems. It’s always interesting to get the opinion of folks who work in the medical field about the Obama Care bullshit. The MRI is rescheduled for Wednesday pending insurance approval. With the help of the Doctor, our agent and a little bit of pissed off mama bear, the Wednesday morning MRI is approved by Monday afternoon.
MRI get’s done and the Dr’s office calls to ask us to go ahead and come in to get the results that day. They have sent the MRI off to get an immediate reading (technology is a wonderful thing). The spots are NOT cancerous, they are just deformities in his bone that will cause no long-term effects or problems. And the knee shows a small amount of fluid build up due to a slight sprain (stretching) of his MCL. There is nothing to worry about on either issue. Words can’t really describe the relief I felt upon hearing this. I say a silent thank you prayer and look at my little guy. Rhut Roh…he is PISSED!
As we walk out of the office and get into the truck my Little Guy is fuming. He asks why we didn’t tell him that the MRI was checking him for cancer? Didn’t we think he had a right to know this? He is completely full of 15-year-old hormone outrage. I told him that the doctor had explained everything the first visit when we were both in the room and that he just wasn’t paying attention. Hubby and I had discussed it and felt that it was not necessary to put that type of stress onto him. Little Guy was still upset and felt we mislead him about everything. I told him that I would lie down in front of a train to keep him from having to go through that type of stress and worry at his age. I refused to apologize for it and would make the same choice everyday for the next year if I had to. He was mad for a while, but after a couple of days I think he began to understand our position on this.
By now you are probably wondering why I have went into this long-winded dissertation about a simple knee sprain. Well folks, you need to educate yourselves about “Obama Care” and all of its repercussions. Did you know that when this plan fully takes effect, you could be told when and where you can see a doctor? If I find a lump in my breast, I could be put on a list for the next available mammogram, which may not take place for 6 months or more? So much for early detection and treatment! The government and the insurance company will be telling YOUR doctor what is needed, not the other way around. I could go on for many more pages about my findings when I took the time to educate myself about this bullshit. Not what the news told me, not what I read on Facebook, but actual honest to God education. For your own sakes, talk to a nurse, ask your doctor, talk to your insurance agent, talk to a congressman who knows (snort!) the ever-changing facts about Obama Care. And beware…if anyone tells you that they completely understand the nonsense that is the Obama Care health act, you should call bullshit on them at once.
Take the time and help yourself folks…. you never know when it may be your 15 year old child facing the possibility of the big C,…and then it’s up to some unknown entity who couldn’t give two shits about him that will decide if and when he gets the necessary testing and/or treatment.
Friday, August 23, 2013
So many changes.....
When I sit back and look at my life over this past year, one thing that stands out to me is how much my life has changed. Sometimes, my head just reels when I ponder this. Some of the changes are very good, some are just life and some are maybe not so good.
I have come to realize that without my friends and family, I would have probably comepletely lost myself in the midst of all this change. For the most part, I am still me..just a slightly different version. I have found myself slowly weeding out the shit in my life that gives me a stomach ache. It's just not worth my happiness to worry about how "everyone" percieves me. I am me, take me and love me for who and what I am or walk away and leave me. The choice is yours.
When Dad died, I realized pretty darn quickly how much my friends mean to me and even how much I probably mean to them. Whether you came to sit on my kitchen floor with me to comfort me me because I was too out of it to grab a chair, or you brought me a "Mary Prayer" bracelet that was just perfect, or you brought a bottle of booze to share with a hug and a sympathetic ear. Maybe you agreed with me that being COMPLETELY PISSED OFF was really okay, and probably you took time out of your professional life to help me weed through all of the beuracratic nonsense that follows a death. My friends (female and male alike) were right there for me and I know that they always will be. Today, I thank you for that. Each and everyone of you (and I think you all know who you are) made me feel loved, protected, and supported. For that I am grateful and want you to all know that you each hold a special place in my heart.
I also finally learned that I don't have to be strong all the time. No one is going to look down on me for showing how much I hurt and that leaning on others is what it's all about. Saying "Help" doesn't constitute weakness at all. For several years I attempted to be Super Suzi. My thinking was "Do it yourself, don't ask for help, just suck it up and do it!" I realize now how many people I let down by trying to do it all. To those closest to me, mainly hubby and my boys, I will say that I am sorry for putting you "in line" with all my other duties and I will say Thank you for not giving up on me. Stubborn pride will get the best of folks sometimes, it sure did me.
I have also realized that I just can't fix everything. Yeah, I know that sounds cocky but I am naturally someone who wants to make peoples problems go away. Sometimes you just can't do that, all you can do is be there to listen, hug, support and occasionally take them out to get drunk and put the problem on the back burner for a couple hours. Maybe, sometimes the best fix for those close to me is just being me. Wow, that's kinda scary to think about, huh?
Some of you may be a little surprised by this next change, but if you're surprised then you probably only know the "Surface Suzi" and not the "Complete Suzi". I have actually become a lot more outspoken when it comes to standing up for me. Used to be when somone would say or do something that hurt my feelings, I would joke it off and let it go. I have always wanted to be a people pleaser so I would tell myself "he/she really didn't mean that" or "they are just trying to be funny". Yeah, I use snarky sarcasm a lot, but mostly that is just me and my humor, I rarely make it personal. I haven't always stood up for myself and what I need. My feelings, wants and needs were usually pushed to the side so as not to rock the boat. I find myself not doing that so much anymore. While I still won't start an argument, if you are out of line I am going to call you on it. It may be somthing so simple as saying "Ouch" if you are being mean (intentionally or not) to me or it may turn into a screaming tirade that you are completely unprepared for. (Little Guy thinks those are funny when not directed at him) I think part of this may be 42 year old hormones but part of it is also long overdue.
I had a few plans and dreams in my head that I have had to finally let go of and boy, let me assure you, that hurt! Some people say "Never give up on your dreams". That's cool and all but sometimes you just have to admit to yourself what is realistic and realize that maybe holding onto that dream is causing more harm than good. But once I accepted that what I wanted to happen wasn't going to happen, I was shocked at how many other ideas came up. I was also plesantly surprised that my six month long stomach ache had pretty much disappeared. Little Guy and I had a conversation about this. He said to me "I am sorry you have to go through this..I can see how hard this was for you". Out of the mouths of babes comes a true reality check. I won't go into details about the dream I had to let go, partly because it is still pretty painful and raw and partly because you, dear reader, don't need to know ALL of my deep, dark secrets. I am thrilled with the ideas and thoughts that are now bouncing around in my slightly warped mind. They fill me with excitement, not acid reflux! Even if they never reach fulfillment, they are there for me to go after. And I am!
My OCD tendencies have also waned a bit. I no longer have a complete meltdown if something doesn't go as I think it should. While I still have my "psycho" moments, they are fewer and further apart. I still haven't given up on my "lists" and I don't think I ever will but I allow much more wiggle room in them. This is a fairly positive change as you just can't "plan" life. It is going to happen even if it's not on your to-do list. My blood pressure is down significantly... ;)
All in all this year definately had it's moments, good and bad. I am much more self-aware and I think I am more comfortable in my own skin now than I have been in a long time. I have learned how to ask for what I need, how to tell folks what I don't need and I think I have even made a few more fun friends. But, I don't think I have become that person who only thinks of herself. I catch myself still trying to "fix" a few things, but hey, that's one of the best parts of me. Who knows if all of these changes will last? Not me..hell, 6 months from now I may have thrown away my favorite ball cap & Nikes, and will be wearing dresses and heels, combing my hair and wearing make-up daily. If that happens...someone please STOP me and get me the hormone replacement I would so obviously need!! I beg you!!
Happy LIFE folks, that's what counts!
I have come to realize that without my friends and family, I would have probably comepletely lost myself in the midst of all this change. For the most part, I am still me..just a slightly different version. I have found myself slowly weeding out the shit in my life that gives me a stomach ache. It's just not worth my happiness to worry about how "everyone" percieves me. I am me, take me and love me for who and what I am or walk away and leave me. The choice is yours.
When Dad died, I realized pretty darn quickly how much my friends mean to me and even how much I probably mean to them. Whether you came to sit on my kitchen floor with me to comfort me me because I was too out of it to grab a chair, or you brought me a "Mary Prayer" bracelet that was just perfect, or you brought a bottle of booze to share with a hug and a sympathetic ear. Maybe you agreed with me that being COMPLETELY PISSED OFF was really okay, and probably you took time out of your professional life to help me weed through all of the beuracratic nonsense that follows a death. My friends (female and male alike) were right there for me and I know that they always will be. Today, I thank you for that. Each and everyone of you (and I think you all know who you are) made me feel loved, protected, and supported. For that I am grateful and want you to all know that you each hold a special place in my heart.
I also finally learned that I don't have to be strong all the time. No one is going to look down on me for showing how much I hurt and that leaning on others is what it's all about. Saying "Help" doesn't constitute weakness at all. For several years I attempted to be Super Suzi. My thinking was "Do it yourself, don't ask for help, just suck it up and do it!" I realize now how many people I let down by trying to do it all. To those closest to me, mainly hubby and my boys, I will say that I am sorry for putting you "in line" with all my other duties and I will say Thank you for not giving up on me. Stubborn pride will get the best of folks sometimes, it sure did me.
I have also realized that I just can't fix everything. Yeah, I know that sounds cocky but I am naturally someone who wants to make peoples problems go away. Sometimes you just can't do that, all you can do is be there to listen, hug, support and occasionally take them out to get drunk and put the problem on the back burner for a couple hours. Maybe, sometimes the best fix for those close to me is just being me. Wow, that's kinda scary to think about, huh?
Some of you may be a little surprised by this next change, but if you're surprised then you probably only know the "Surface Suzi" and not the "Complete Suzi". I have actually become a lot more outspoken when it comes to standing up for me. Used to be when somone would say or do something that hurt my feelings, I would joke it off and let it go. I have always wanted to be a people pleaser so I would tell myself "he/she really didn't mean that" or "they are just trying to be funny". Yeah, I use snarky sarcasm a lot, but mostly that is just me and my humor, I rarely make it personal. I haven't always stood up for myself and what I need. My feelings, wants and needs were usually pushed to the side so as not to rock the boat. I find myself not doing that so much anymore. While I still won't start an argument, if you are out of line I am going to call you on it. It may be somthing so simple as saying "Ouch" if you are being mean (intentionally or not) to me or it may turn into a screaming tirade that you are completely unprepared for. (Little Guy thinks those are funny when not directed at him) I think part of this may be 42 year old hormones but part of it is also long overdue.
I had a few plans and dreams in my head that I have had to finally let go of and boy, let me assure you, that hurt! Some people say "Never give up on your dreams". That's cool and all but sometimes you just have to admit to yourself what is realistic and realize that maybe holding onto that dream is causing more harm than good. But once I accepted that what I wanted to happen wasn't going to happen, I was shocked at how many other ideas came up. I was also plesantly surprised that my six month long stomach ache had pretty much disappeared. Little Guy and I had a conversation about this. He said to me "I am sorry you have to go through this..I can see how hard this was for you". Out of the mouths of babes comes a true reality check. I won't go into details about the dream I had to let go, partly because it is still pretty painful and raw and partly because you, dear reader, don't need to know ALL of my deep, dark secrets. I am thrilled with the ideas and thoughts that are now bouncing around in my slightly warped mind. They fill me with excitement, not acid reflux! Even if they never reach fulfillment, they are there for me to go after. And I am!
My OCD tendencies have also waned a bit. I no longer have a complete meltdown if something doesn't go as I think it should. While I still have my "psycho" moments, they are fewer and further apart. I still haven't given up on my "lists" and I don't think I ever will but I allow much more wiggle room in them. This is a fairly positive change as you just can't "plan" life. It is going to happen even if it's not on your to-do list. My blood pressure is down significantly... ;)
All in all this year definately had it's moments, good and bad. I am much more self-aware and I think I am more comfortable in my own skin now than I have been in a long time. I have learned how to ask for what I need, how to tell folks what I don't need and I think I have even made a few more fun friends. But, I don't think I have become that person who only thinks of herself. I catch myself still trying to "fix" a few things, but hey, that's one of the best parts of me. Who knows if all of these changes will last? Not me..hell, 6 months from now I may have thrown away my favorite ball cap & Nikes, and will be wearing dresses and heels, combing my hair and wearing make-up daily. If that happens...someone please STOP me and get me the hormone replacement I would so obviously need!! I beg you!!
Happy LIFE folks, that's what counts!
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