Observations.

I'm not the most intelligent person in the world and I'll be the first to admit that. I'm not unintelligent, I'm just your average 45 year old American woman. However, I am a very observant person. I notice things and when I do I either make a snarky, funny, or thoughtful comment, ask someone else what their opinion is, get really pissed off about it or I file it away as just one more thing that makes me shake my head.

I've recently observed that it's an election year. I've also noticed that this one is pretty ugly. Let me assure you that this post will NOT veer off into a republican vs democrat rant. We've all had enough of that. Really, we have. These are just some personal observations and thoughts I've been storing up.

These past few months have shown me a serious decline in our culture. Both sides of the aisle are calling for civil rights reform, equality between race & sex, police and population. And that's great. Holler for it, scream for it, and be willing to work for it. But where are we today? Be honest with yourself and look around at your nation, region, state, community and even within yourself. Are we making progress with these issues or are we going backward? We have rapists being sentenced to 6 months. We have police officers being gunned down in the streets. We have citizens being gunned down by the police (some cases warranted, others not). We have political offices being fire bombed and having manure dumped at the front door. We have athletes kneeling during the national anthem and people boycotting athletics because of it. We have blanket condemnations being made about groups of citizens based on the actions of a few. Is this really what we've become as a country?

In my opinion it boils down to respect or a lack thereof. I was raised with a healthy understanding of respect. If I disrespected someone in front of my parents more often than not I would get a reminder. Usually in the form of a pop in the mouth to remind me to watch what I allowed to come out of it. Did that make me a better person? Maybe it did as I do my best to be respectful in my dealings with people in general.

I am a firm believer in equal rights. My definition of equal is just that, EQUALITY for all. No better or no worse than the guy right beside me. Special treatment based upon race, sex or religion is bullshit, the same as discrimination based on these same things is bullshit. I believe that the athlete has the right to kneel during the national anthem and I respect his choice to do this. I also believe that I have the right to dislike that action without being called a racist. I respect that we are both entitled to our freedom to stand or kneel and we are both entitled to respectfully speak out about the action, either way, without name calling and hate speech. I sometimes think we forget this. We get so caught up in being politically correct that we forget that respect goes both ways.

I also believe the police officers are entitled to respect. I may not like that the guy is writing me a speeding ticket but I respect the fact that I did something to earn that ticket and that the man carries a gun and therefore I will not do anything to provoke him/her into using that gun. I'm also smart enough to realize that in some cases power corrupts and there are officers out there who don't deserve to wear the badge. But I don't believe that saying one life is more important than the other is a solution.

During the last 8 years I've not had a favorable opinion of our current president's policies. But, I am a big enough person to admit that there have been some things he's done right. Marriage equality being one of the big ones that stand out in my mind. I will always applaud him for this giant step forward. I may not like his position on all of the political points but I do respect that he is our duly elected president. I respect the fact that his supporters have the right to speak their support just as his dissenters have the right to speak their minds.

During this election season I have noticed things that really worry me. It seems you can't have a reasonable political discussion without it devolving, horribly. When I see people who I care about and consider friends, make public posts that question MY individual character, values and morals based my personal political beliefs, it hurts my feelings. My personal feelings, not my political feelings. I have people I hold very dear to me who live on all sides of the aisle. I respect that everyone has strong feelings about their candidate. That's what democracy is all about. I'll be the first to admit I've said and posted very unfavorable things about Clinton, the candidate. Maybe some people take that personally? Myself, I don't take questioning a candidate personally, I feel that it's our job as Americans to question. But when someone questions the individual candidates supporter, that isn't right in my book. I have yet to say that the character flaws either candidate have is reflected in their supporters moral makeup. And I won't.

Please, don't get me wrong, I see that the attacks are coming from both sides and their supporters. I see the personal attacks that the Trump supporters post about Clinton supporters as well as what the Clinton side says. I just don't like it. It offends me and it worries me. It worries me because I am not a 'hard line' type of American. I don't see the talking points as absolutes, that either A or B are the only options. I believe that in most of the talking points there should also be a C or D option thrown in. For example, I do not believe that Roe V Wade should be overturned because there ARE reasons abortion should be an option, rape or incest being two of them. But in saying this, I also believe that birth control begins in the bedroom, not in a procedure room. I don't believe that abortion as a form of birth control should be funded by our tax dollars. I probably just opened a whole can of worms by stating my beliefs on this topic but I use it as an example that it's not always a Yes or No thing. There are variables in my mind.

I think if we each look at the candidate we're supporting, we can each say that there are many things we don't like about each of them. The good Lord knows that each one has their own individual flaws. Not a single one of us is ever going to make 100% of the population happy. It's coming down to what we can each live with in relation to those flaws.

My solution to this problem? Respect. Respect the rights each one of us have. Respect that each one of us is entitled to our individual opinions and that we should be allowed to speak them without fear of being called a racist, sexist, criminal or moron. Respect that we each have a voice and that we're all entitled to speak our piece. Respect that we are lucky enough to be able agree or disagree with those opinions without fear of being executed for treason.

Underneath it all, we are Americans. The color of our skin, our religion, sexual orientation, political affiliations, where we come from or our sex isn't what determines who we are. We ARE Americans, each one of us. What hurts my neighbor, hurts me. Until we can get past those distinctions when referring to our friends and neighbors, we're never going to get past this hate that seems to be taking over.

I'm looking forward to November 9th. Not because the election will finally be over, one way or the other but because, hopefully, we all can begin healing from this nightmare that is our presidential election.

Play nice folks. Respect each other. Rest assured if I considered you a friend on July 1 I will still consider you a friend, one who I respect and love, on November 9th. I hope you can say the same.

Empty Nesting

I woke up this morning to a house empty of kids. No, this isn't the first time I've woke up and they weren't home, but today is the first time that it falls into a more 'permanent' category. I have to say, my heart hurts just a little and a tear or two may have fallen as I glanced into that emptier (and dirty!) bedroom. I sat down with my morning caffeine and thought things over. After thinking (bawling) for just a little bit, I got up, gathered up an empty trash bag, laundry hamper and Swiffer and started cleaning his room. The aggravation of the mess in his room helps me get through the sad.

I have a 25 year old son. He moved out for good at the age of 20 and hasn't looked back. Dakota lives in Alabama, has bought his own home and is holding down a damn good job. He is building a life that I am proud to have contributed to the foundation of. There have been bumps in the road as he learned what being an adult is all about but he never once has asked us to bail him out or to fix his problems. He is living his life as he was raised to live it. We told him all we want for him is to be happy, support himself and family and to pass on the morals and values we taught him. Check!

BoDee moved into his college dorm yesterday. He will be playing football, carrying a full credit load (and then some to be honest) and working a campus job. I'm positive that he will also find some fun while he's away stretching his wings for the first time, as he should. He is excited to begin this next phase of his life and was more than a little nervous, if I am to be honest. As I watched my baby boy interact with his new team and coaches, wearing his adorable smile, I had to be happy for him. While the mom in me saw the touch of fear in his eyes as he hugged me goodbye, he told me "I will be fine" while grinning that BoDee grin we all love. And you know what? He will be more than fine. I look forward to watching him work and play hard the next four years.

All in all, at the risk of bragging just a little, I think Phillip and I did pretty good raising these two young men. They understand hard work is required to get what you want in life, be it material extras or food to live. They understand that the world owes them nothing and they have to get what they want and need on their own, it won't be handed to them. On top of that, they are damn good men who enjoy life much in the same way I do, with humor and an occasional touch of snarky sarcasm. We've raised them to be responsible and kind but to never be a door mat.

So I sit here, with a wiener dog in my lap, listening to the silence and I am proud. Phillip and I have all but accomplished what every parent's goal in life should be. We've raised independent and productive children. These two men are my best accomplishment and I am proud to be their Mom!

Now comes the fun part of adulthood. Phillip and I will begin our transition into middle age/empty nest. I look forward to driving 4 hours north and 6 hours south on a regular basis. And the very small but mischievous part of my brain is already making some plans to keep myself busy and hopefully out of any serious trouble!

3 am

It's 3 AM.
Again.

I'm watching you sleep and all I can do is wonder why. Why am I watching you sleep? Why are you the one who had to be stricken, not once, not twice but three times? Why do you fight so very hard? Why does this happen to honest to God GOOD people? Why can't just the assholes of the world be the ones who suffer?

I know we aren't supposed to ask those questions, but how can I help it? I see the care your family provides you, in the gentle touches and feather light kisses on your forehead, their love shows in every moment and in every movement. YOU taught them this. You taught them to love their family above all else. To be strong and tackle whatever is thrown at you with faith, love and courage. I have to say, you taught them well and I know you are proud.

Your brother sits beside me, dozing when he can. Your husband is not so gently snoring beside you, worry still lining his face. Your kids are here, all over the house, sleeping wherever they can find a spot and cuddled up with your grandchildren. They're teaching their kids the same lessons you've taught them, even though they may not realize that their kids are learning from this also.

I can't help but think about times we have spent together. How, at one time, we really weren't as close as we are now. How through the years all that changed. We grew to like, respect and love each other as sisters. I regret not telling you directly how much I truly admire you. I've said it in writing several times, but never straight from my mouth to your ears. I am thankful for the trust you placed in me during your battles. I've learned so much from you over the years and I am thankful for those lessons.

In writing this, I'm starting to be able answer my whys. I'm watching you sleep because I love you. You were stricken to teach those of us by your side courage, grace and strength. You fight so hard because that's just you and always has been.

As I go through the night, folding laundry, straightening up your kitchen and tending to your needs, I pray. Even while questioning God's plan, I pray for you to find peace. I pray for comfort for your family. I pray they are able to heal when you find your peace. I pray I never have to be as strong as you.


I pray for you, with love, respect and tears, I pray.