When I first started driving I ended up with a flat tire one Friday night on my way to a winter dance with my friends. I had no clue at all what to do w/ a flat tire. I parked the car a couple blocks from the school, went inside, called the local chapter for Roadside assistance (Daddy) and went on my happy way to the dance. Never once thinking about how he had just gotten home from a 10 day rotary job in Michigan and that he was tired, cold and ready to be home. When the dance was over we all walked back to my car, made sure it fixed and finished up the night. How cool was that? Make a call and my problem was solved and I didn't even have to get my hands dirty. Or so I thought...
When I get home that night there is a note on the kitchen table for me. Basically my dad had ordered me an 8 am wake up and I would be at his shop in the morning, come hell or high water. When I arrived at the shop, I assumed that Dad was going to put the repaired tire on my car...man, was I deluded. I spent the next 5 hours learning how to replace a flat tire to his satisfaction. I learned how to properly and safely place and use the jack, how to remove the lug nuts and store them in the hub cap so that they wouldn't be lost. He showed me how to put the new tire on and how the lug nuts don't just get screwed on, there is a certain way they should be tightened. After about the third time I had replaced the tire, I started to whine just a bit. This was never a real good idea w/ my Dad and that day was totally the wrong day to do it. He asked me what kind of woman was I going to be? Was I going to be one of "those girls" who called a man to fix her problems all the time? Was I going to let a man handle everything in life? Or not??
At the time all I thought was "geesh, don't have a cow Dad!" But, even as a teenager, sometimes that odd lesson my parents were trying to teach me would actually sink in. I realized that Dad wasn't upset with me for calling him to repair a flat tire. I understood that he was upset w/ himself a bit for not teaching me beforehand how to handle a flat tire and upset with me for just flitting away and letting him handle the problem. I never again asked my Dad to just fix a problem. I had learned to ask him for help fixing my problems and learned a lot by his side like how to bait my own hook, remove my own fish, how to shoot both long guns and hand guns, and that sometimes 10 am is NOT to early for a cold beer! A keg needs tapped a certain way, just like lug nuts need tightened. Friends are there for you just as you are there for them, a hard days work never hurt anyone, helping someone out that needs it is never wrong, and that the best "Cure" for a hangover was pulling weeds in the garden so that all the alcohol would sweat out. (I still don't buy that one!)
I am pretty sure when my folks envisioned my future, they never imagined that I would be married at 19 and a mother at 20. When hubby and I decided to marry, they were shocked and really not sure it was such a great idea. What did Hubby and I know about being adults, having adult responsibilities, becoming parents, etc. Honestly, we didn't know shit about it, but we learned. When our oldest was born my mom was right there, peeking in the delivery room window trying to make sure it was a boy and that everyone was safe and sound. Immediately taking pictures and asking what we needed her to do so that we could bring him home in a couple days. Dad was working in eastern Kentucky on a 24 hour pulling job. He arrived that night at the hospital to see his first grandchild, just before midnight. He counted the toes and was amazed at the amount of hair he had, gave us both a kiss and headed back to Kentucky to finish up his job. No matter what the birth certificate said, Mom christened him "Dak" and my dad christened him "Bud".
The years rolled by as they tend to do. Mom passed away just 5 short years later, never meeting our "Little guy". Dad retired and went about his life of leisure. Keeping our future Army Man several days a week while Hubby and I worked. He would take him to the coffee shop in the mornings and fishing in the afternoons after his (My dad's) nap. Years continued to fly by and Hubby and I hit our 20 year mark. Dad and I had a talk about life during one of our many medical visits. He told me how when I got married, mom and he were worried. They didn't think I had the guts to stick out the hard years, learn how to loose an argument, and how to be a good wife and mother. Now, that may sound harsh to some of you, but trust me...he was right on the money. Up until I started dating hubby, I wasn't the most responsible of children and I was a tad bit spoiled. I liked having my fun and really pouted when I couldn't. Yeah, I had a job but didn't have bills. The money I earned went for play. Buying gas and beer for road trips were my "responsibilities". Hubby on the other hand knew all about bills and responsibilities and was much more mature than I was, good thing! Dad went on to tell me how proud he was of us both. Hubby was a good man and that I had turned out to be a damn good woman and that we had raised two fine young men. That made my day. He also asked if I ever regretted not completing college and what I wanted out of the rest of my life. I told him no, I didn't regret not finishing school and that I just wanted to live life and enjoy myself (yup, I still pout when I don't get to have my "fun"), watch my kids grow up and look forward to grand kids. Dad told me that while he was very proud of me and the life I lived, he always had hoped I would go back and finish up my schooling. I argued back that I had learned more in my 15 years at my current job than I ever would have learned in school (yes, even at 39 I still had to argue). He just shrugged and agreed that I had learned my job and did it well it seemed and he let the subject drop.
Little did I realize at the time how much I was still learning from my Dad. That day is the day I learned that no matter what I want for my children, they will and should live their own lives. Just because I envisioned myself attending Army Man's graduation from College with his Veterinarian Degree, that was not the same picture he has in his head for his future. Even though we do our best to encourage our children down what we "think" will be the right path, at some point you have to step back and let them travel on their own. They have to make their mistakes, fight their own battles, fall on their face and learn to stand on their own two feet. How else are they going to know when something is absolutely RIGHT in their life? Both of my boys have made choices that I didn't particularly care for at the time but turned out to be the right choice for them. I admire my oldest for having the courage to live life his way and am pretty sure our Little Guy has learned a lot from his big brother in that regard. They both have the stubbornness in them so that they will not be forced into a mold that doesn't fit.
To this day, when we get a different vehicle, I will take the time to learn where the jack goes, where the lug wrench and spare tire are hidden and how to take off the lug nut cover. But, I will say that when I do have a flat tire, I still call hubby because even though I know how, my little pea brain says "You have a husband, one adult male child and one almost adult male child. Changing a tire and cleaning a fish are two things you shouldn't ever have to do!"
Another little tidbit is that I have started looking at classes offered at local schools. While I have not yet made up my mind to "finish up my schooling" I have not totally ruled that option out. Even at 42 it's hard to decide what you want to be when you grow up, ;) Who knows? Maybe my Army Man and I will both graduate as he has decided school isn't such a bad idea afterall......
Happy Father's day to all of you "Dads" that are in my life. Each and every one of you guys rock and should ALL know that you really do make a tremendous impact on every life you touch! Thanks for being you!
Happy Father's Day in Heaven Dad...thank you so much for kicking me in the ass when I needed it. I am pretty sure I wouldn't be half of the woman I am w/out it! Love and miss you daily!
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Monday, June 10, 2013
Sex in the country...part 2
When I started dating my mother sat me down and gave me the "talk". Back then, the big risk of "going all the way" was an unexpected pregnancy or a healthy crop of crabs. Sex was just starting to become lethal in the late 80's in rural America. Mom's talk consisted of "You are a gift. A gift given and a gift received. Make sure your gift means something." At the time I was soooo not wanting to have that conversation so I just mumbled something to make her go away or at the very least change the subject. Looking back I realize how very right she was. Thanks Mom! Those wise words were also followed up by the comment that if and when I decided to have sex, I should talk with her about birth control. EEEK!!!! My mind immediately flashed to the possible outcome of said conversation..... (that thought still makes me shudder!)
Flash forward 20 years and I am now the mom having the talk with my kids. We discuss the dangers of unprotected sex. Not only the unexpected pregnancy but how very dangerous it is to not use latex protection. I added on my own words of wisdom. "Every time you have sex with someone you are making the decision that this girl could be a part of your life, for the rest of your life. If she has a baby, make no mistake, she will be a part of your life, through that child, until the end of your days. Make sure you are willing to make that commitment." Not sure if my brand of wisdom really sunk in but I am pretty sure that the mortification I felt during my teen years has been successfully shared with the next generation.
So, to get back to the "story". After the dating process has gone on a while, eventually you come to the crossroads of taking that next step or breaking it off. Of course, you talk and giggle with your friends about doing "IT" or not. Discussions about how things actually happen goes on with your maybe slightly more experienced friends and the decision is made one way or the other. But...eventually you meet someone you want to take that ultimate step with. My lord...don't you just remember how mixed your emotions were? You really liked the guy but were scared. You really wanted to but really worried about the pain factor. Would it hurt? Would anyone know? Will I look different? Will I walk different? All those questions and a million more run through your head. You plan for your "big night" just like you did for the first date. What to wear? Where to go? Do I provide the protection or does he? Will Mom notice if I buy new underwear for the big night? Will she be able to look at me and just KNOW????? OMG!! What if DAD finds out???? And on and on and on.
The big night comes and goes with all the awkwardness we remember. Of course the next day you sheepishly leave home at the first opportunity to get together with the girls and talk it ALL through. Huh, how confusing was THAT? Everyone has their own story about their first time and everyone had their own reaction to the big deed. Reactions ranged from "OMG it HURT!" to "What's the big deal?" to "I can't wait to try it again!" And the questions "Do I look different?", "Am I walking funny?", "What did he look like naked?", etc. We worried endlessly that he would tell his friends (like you JUST did) and that EVERYONE would soon know. Then comes the terrifying moment when you actually see HIM again. Boy, the comfort level you thought you had with this special guy is totally gone on that first meeting following that night. It takes a little while to feel like you know him as well as you did prior to the deed. And, sadly, eventually your "first" probably goes by the way side like the other first date guys have done. You always remember him and that night, either fondly, with mild embarrassment or just plain horror.
Now, you are an experienced woman of the world, right? SNORT! You start this whole process over again with new guys, on new first dates. But it seemed like that crossroads was much easier to get to once you initially made that decision, didn't it? Guys were quicker to press the issue if they knew you were no longer a virgin. The dance that used to end w/ the deep sigh and "ok" were quicker to end in a "why not?!?" Which usually ended the relationship for me, to be honest. I didn't like being pressured then and to this day I still don't like people pressing me for something I don't want to do. :)
Now that you are older and wiser you start to notice a little more about the guys/men around you. You look at them differently than just deciding that they are "cute". And then, at some point, you discover "Chemistry"!
Ladies, do you remember the first time you actually felt "chemistry" with a guy? I do, and I remember that guy very fondly to this day. I was set up on a blind date by one of my best friends. Her brother's buddy was home from college (YES! A college guy!! How AWESOME was that??) and he thought I was cute and wanted to be set up with me.
That blind date was my first experience with instant attraction. We met up for dinner and a movie and ZING! That first eye contact sent all the hairs on my arms straight up and the butterfly's were just a fluttering in my belly. My first thought was that I was getting sick, to be honest. Tummy was rumbly, knees were a bit weak, a light sweat on my forehead. We head out for our dinner and as we get to know each other we realize that we have a lot in common. Similar sense of humor, liked the same stuff, etc. We hit it off at once, besides the whole instant attraction thing. It seems like steps 1-5 on the old comfort meter just zoom by and by the end of the dinner I am really having fun and ready for a movie. As we walk to his car to head to the movies, he held my hand. Damn, did lightning just strike my palm? WOW! We got to the movies and if that wasn't sweet torture I don't know what was. Sitting next to this guy who just seems to draw you like a magnet. I have to admit, I don't remember what movie we watched that night as I couldn't concentrate at all. After the movie we go for a drive before he takes me home. We talk a lot and not just the normal HS talking. Life, ambitions, etc. Really, as I look back, this date made me become more of an adult when it comes to the oppisite sex than any other. I realized that there was much more to men than cute or not, popular or not, and nice car or not. When he took me home I was, I have to admit, disappointed. I wasn't ready for the night to be over at all. Damn curfew! I popped in to say I was home and that we were going to sit on the dock for a while and talk, which we did, for hours! Dad finally comes out and tells him that it's REALLY time for me to come in and for him to GO HOME! We part ways with our first/last kiss and good-bye. He has to head back to school the next day so no future dates are planned. Through the next couple of weeks we talk on the phone a bit but never did go out again or see each other again. As life has went on I still occasionally meet those people that I instantly connect with. Some of these people I just meet once and most of the others have become some of my dearest friends.
After that memorable night, I didn't date for a long time. I wasn't heart broken or anything, I just learned that I wanted MORE from a guy than cute/popular. I wanted to find someone who I could talk with, laugh with, plan with, dream with, and who gave me the ZING! That really wasn't all that easy to find in our little small town. About half way through my Senior year, I met a guy who provided all that. And of course, being the stupid 17/18 year old that I was, it scared the shit outta me. I broke it off with him right before senior prom as I felt I wasn't ready for that type of serious relationship. All of his friends and mine were upset w/ me because they felt I had broken his heart. Little did they know that I was hurting just as much but wasn't going to admit that I had made a mistake. I spent the next 6 months partying it up and enjoying the just graduated HS freedom. College was just around the corner and I was excited and mostly having a blast as every 18 year old should. Then we bump into each other again and I decide I want him back. (Yeah, pretty shitty of me, huh?) I have to admit, he made me work pretty damn hard at winning him back. Right before I started classes at OCC we got together again. I am thrilled and happy to say that almost 24 years later, we are the parents of two wonderful kids and that we still talk, laugh, dream, and plan together.
When I originally started this topic, I had a whole other direction in mind about where I was going with it. My "topic" was going to be about being married, having kids, and what happens when it just doesn't work out. I wrote and wrote about how I think people should behave once a divorce happens. I was being a fairly judgemental bitch to be honest. While I do have thoughts about this topic, I am not sure I should throw them all out there. I have never been divorced so who am I to say? But, a few comments I am comfortable making are these: a) if you aren't happy in your marriage, end it if you can't work through the issues. Staying married "for the kids" just ain't a good plan. b) The kids should never be put in the middle or have to take second to what you want to do. c) You are a parent until the day you die. You can't divorce your kids. Live up to the commitment you made when you had the kids.
Anyway, that's my tale of Sex in the Country! Happy Monday Folks!
Flash forward 20 years and I am now the mom having the talk with my kids. We discuss the dangers of unprotected sex. Not only the unexpected pregnancy but how very dangerous it is to not use latex protection. I added on my own words of wisdom. "Every time you have sex with someone you are making the decision that this girl could be a part of your life, for the rest of your life. If she has a baby, make no mistake, she will be a part of your life, through that child, until the end of your days. Make sure you are willing to make that commitment." Not sure if my brand of wisdom really sunk in but I am pretty sure that the mortification I felt during my teen years has been successfully shared with the next generation.
So, to get back to the "story". After the dating process has gone on a while, eventually you come to the crossroads of taking that next step or breaking it off. Of course, you talk and giggle with your friends about doing "IT" or not. Discussions about how things actually happen goes on with your maybe slightly more experienced friends and the decision is made one way or the other. But...eventually you meet someone you want to take that ultimate step with. My lord...don't you just remember how mixed your emotions were? You really liked the guy but were scared. You really wanted to but really worried about the pain factor. Would it hurt? Would anyone know? Will I look different? Will I walk different? All those questions and a million more run through your head. You plan for your "big night" just like you did for the first date. What to wear? Where to go? Do I provide the protection or does he? Will Mom notice if I buy new underwear for the big night? Will she be able to look at me and just KNOW????? OMG!! What if DAD finds out???? And on and on and on.
The big night comes and goes with all the awkwardness we remember. Of course the next day you sheepishly leave home at the first opportunity to get together with the girls and talk it ALL through. Huh, how confusing was THAT? Everyone has their own story about their first time and everyone had their own reaction to the big deed. Reactions ranged from "OMG it HURT!" to "What's the big deal?" to "I can't wait to try it again!" And the questions "Do I look different?", "Am I walking funny?", "What did he look like naked?", etc. We worried endlessly that he would tell his friends (like you JUST did) and that EVERYONE would soon know. Then comes the terrifying moment when you actually see HIM again. Boy, the comfort level you thought you had with this special guy is totally gone on that first meeting following that night. It takes a little while to feel like you know him as well as you did prior to the deed. And, sadly, eventually your "first" probably goes by the way side like the other first date guys have done. You always remember him and that night, either fondly, with mild embarrassment or just plain horror.
Now, you are an experienced woman of the world, right? SNORT! You start this whole process over again with new guys, on new first dates. But it seemed like that crossroads was much easier to get to once you initially made that decision, didn't it? Guys were quicker to press the issue if they knew you were no longer a virgin. The dance that used to end w/ the deep sigh and "ok" were quicker to end in a "why not?!?" Which usually ended the relationship for me, to be honest. I didn't like being pressured then and to this day I still don't like people pressing me for something I don't want to do. :)
Now that you are older and wiser you start to notice a little more about the guys/men around you. You look at them differently than just deciding that they are "cute". And then, at some point, you discover "Chemistry"!
Ladies, do you remember the first time you actually felt "chemistry" with a guy? I do, and I remember that guy very fondly to this day. I was set up on a blind date by one of my best friends. Her brother's buddy was home from college (YES! A college guy!! How AWESOME was that??) and he thought I was cute and wanted to be set up with me.
That blind date was my first experience with instant attraction. We met up for dinner and a movie and ZING! That first eye contact sent all the hairs on my arms straight up and the butterfly's were just a fluttering in my belly. My first thought was that I was getting sick, to be honest. Tummy was rumbly, knees were a bit weak, a light sweat on my forehead. We head out for our dinner and as we get to know each other we realize that we have a lot in common. Similar sense of humor, liked the same stuff, etc. We hit it off at once, besides the whole instant attraction thing. It seems like steps 1-5 on the old comfort meter just zoom by and by the end of the dinner I am really having fun and ready for a movie. As we walk to his car to head to the movies, he held my hand. Damn, did lightning just strike my palm? WOW! We got to the movies and if that wasn't sweet torture I don't know what was. Sitting next to this guy who just seems to draw you like a magnet. I have to admit, I don't remember what movie we watched that night as I couldn't concentrate at all. After the movie we go for a drive before he takes me home. We talk a lot and not just the normal HS talking. Life, ambitions, etc. Really, as I look back, this date made me become more of an adult when it comes to the oppisite sex than any other. I realized that there was much more to men than cute or not, popular or not, and nice car or not. When he took me home I was, I have to admit, disappointed. I wasn't ready for the night to be over at all. Damn curfew! I popped in to say I was home and that we were going to sit on the dock for a while and talk, which we did, for hours! Dad finally comes out and tells him that it's REALLY time for me to come in and for him to GO HOME! We part ways with our first/last kiss and good-bye. He has to head back to school the next day so no future dates are planned. Through the next couple of weeks we talk on the phone a bit but never did go out again or see each other again. As life has went on I still occasionally meet those people that I instantly connect with. Some of these people I just meet once and most of the others have become some of my dearest friends.
After that memorable night, I didn't date for a long time. I wasn't heart broken or anything, I just learned that I wanted MORE from a guy than cute/popular. I wanted to find someone who I could talk with, laugh with, plan with, dream with, and who gave me the ZING! That really wasn't all that easy to find in our little small town. About half way through my Senior year, I met a guy who provided all that. And of course, being the stupid 17/18 year old that I was, it scared the shit outta me. I broke it off with him right before senior prom as I felt I wasn't ready for that type of serious relationship. All of his friends and mine were upset w/ me because they felt I had broken his heart. Little did they know that I was hurting just as much but wasn't going to admit that I had made a mistake. I spent the next 6 months partying it up and enjoying the just graduated HS freedom. College was just around the corner and I was excited and mostly having a blast as every 18 year old should. Then we bump into each other again and I decide I want him back. (Yeah, pretty shitty of me, huh?) I have to admit, he made me work pretty damn hard at winning him back. Right before I started classes at OCC we got together again. I am thrilled and happy to say that almost 24 years later, we are the parents of two wonderful kids and that we still talk, laugh, dream, and plan together.
When I originally started this topic, I had a whole other direction in mind about where I was going with it. My "topic" was going to be about being married, having kids, and what happens when it just doesn't work out. I wrote and wrote about how I think people should behave once a divorce happens. I was being a fairly judgemental bitch to be honest. While I do have thoughts about this topic, I am not sure I should throw them all out there. I have never been divorced so who am I to say? But, a few comments I am comfortable making are these: a) if you aren't happy in your marriage, end it if you can't work through the issues. Staying married "for the kids" just ain't a good plan. b) The kids should never be put in the middle or have to take second to what you want to do. c) You are a parent until the day you die. You can't divorce your kids. Live up to the commitment you made when you had the kids.
Anyway, that's my tale of Sex in the Country! Happy Monday Folks!
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