I saw you today. Right there in aisle 8 at Walmart. I almost smiled, hopeful that this time would be the time you didn't turn and walk the other way. Silently hoping that after almost 28 years, we would finally be able to talk again. But, the tears of pain in your eyes and the wrench of your mouth told me it wasn't to be this time, the same way the hurried change of direction made it clear.
I wish we could talk. I wish that you could know my boys and understand that the memory of your daughter lives on, with me and within my children. My boys KNOW her from my memories and my stories. They see her smile because I still have pictures of her and I together. They know we were ornery shits that occasionally got up to no good. They can almost tell our stories better than I can. They know she was the sister of my heart instead of my blood.
I wish I could tell you how her and I still 'talk' in my dreams. She has been with me my entire adult life, helping me through the many hard parts and celebrating all of the good. I wish we could go visit her together on her birthday and lean on each other while we shed a tear or two remembering that awful day. Instead I drive on by when I see you at her headstone, only to return when I know you've left.
Even at 18, I understood when you asked me to stop coming around. I understood that seeing me was painful and I would never want to cause you additional pain. I mean no disrespect to you by writing this, this is simply way to ease my pain and send my wishes out to the universe. Maybe you'll see this and maybe you won't. I just wish you knew that I am sorry. I'm sorry seeing me causes you such pain.
I truly understand. I miss her every day and always will.
I wish you peace of heart. If the time ever comes, you need only say the word and I'll be there.
Sunday, July 30, 2017
Wednesday, November 2, 2016
Observations.
I'm not the most intelligent person in the world and I'll be the first to admit that. I'm not unintelligent, I'm just your average 45 year old American woman. However, I am a very observant person. I notice things and when I do I either make a snarky, funny, or thoughtful comment, ask someone else what their opinion is, get really pissed off about it or I file it away as just one more thing that makes me shake my head.
I've recently observed that it's an election year. I've also noticed that this one is pretty ugly. Let me assure you that this post will NOT veer off into a republican vs democrat rant. We've all had enough of that. Really, we have. These are just some personal observations and thoughts I've been storing up.
These past few months have shown me a serious decline in our culture. Both sides of the aisle are calling for civil rights reform, equality between race & sex, police and population. And that's great. Holler for it, scream for it, and be willing to work for it. But where are we today? Be honest with yourself and look around at your nation, region, state, community and even within yourself. Are we making progress with these issues or are we going backward? We have rapists being sentenced to 6 months. We have police officers being gunned down in the streets. We have citizens being gunned down by the police (some cases warranted, others not). We have political offices being fire bombed and having manure dumped at the front door. We have athletes kneeling during the national anthem and people boycotting athletics because of it. We have blanket condemnations being made about groups of citizens based on the actions of a few. Is this really what we've become as a country?
In my opinion it boils down to respect or a lack thereof. I was raised with a healthy understanding of respect. If I disrespected someone in front of my parents more often than not I would get a reminder. Usually in the form of a pop in the mouth to remind me to watch what I allowed to come out of it. Did that make me a better person? Maybe it did as I do my best to be respectful in my dealings with people in general.
I am a firm believer in equal rights. My definition of equal is just that, EQUALITY for all. No better or no worse than the guy right beside me. Special treatment based upon race, sex or religion is bullshit, the same as discrimination based on these same things is bullshit. I believe that the athlete has the right to kneel during the national anthem and I respect his choice to do this. I also believe that I have the right to dislike that action without being called a racist. I respect that we are both entitled to our freedom to stand or kneel and we are both entitled to respectfully speak out about the action, either way, without name calling and hate speech. I sometimes think we forget this. We get so caught up in being politically correct that we forget that respect goes both ways.
I also believe the police officers are entitled to respect. I may not like that the guy is writing me a speeding ticket but I respect the fact that I did something to earn that ticket and that the man carries a gun and therefore I will not do anything to provoke him/her into using that gun. I'm also smart enough to realize that in some cases power corrupts and there are officers out there who don't deserve to wear the badge. But I don't believe that saying one life is more important than the other is a solution.
During the last 8 years I've not had a favorable opinion of our current president's policies. But, I am a big enough person to admit that there have been some things he's done right. Marriage equality being one of the big ones that stand out in my mind. I will always applaud him for this giant step forward. I may not like his position on all of the political points but I do respect that he is our duly elected president. I respect the fact that his supporters have the right to speak their support just as his dissenters have the right to speak their minds.
During this election season I have noticed things that really worry me. It seems you can't have a reasonable political discussion without it devolving, horribly. When I see people who I care about and consider friends, make public posts that question MY individual character, values and morals based my personal political beliefs, it hurts my feelings. My personal feelings, not my political feelings. I have people I hold very dear to me who live on all sides of the aisle. I respect that everyone has strong feelings about their candidate. That's what democracy is all about. I'll be the first to admit I've said and posted very unfavorable things about Clinton, the candidate. Maybe some people take that personally? Myself, I don't take questioning a candidate personally, I feel that it's our job as Americans to question. But when someone questions the individual candidates supporter, that isn't right in my book. I have yet to say that the character flaws either candidate have is reflected in their supporters moral makeup. And I won't.
Please, don't get me wrong, I see that the attacks are coming from both sides and their supporters. I see the personal attacks that the Trump supporters post about Clinton supporters as well as what the Clinton side says. I just don't like it. It offends me and it worries me. It worries me because I am not a 'hard line' type of American. I don't see the talking points as absolutes, that either A or B are the only options. I believe that in most of the talking points there should also be a C or D option thrown in. For example, I do not believe that Roe V Wade should be overturned because there ARE reasons abortion should be an option, rape or incest being two of them. But in saying this, I also believe that birth control begins in the bedroom, not in a procedure room. I don't believe that abortion as a form of birth control should be funded by our tax dollars. I probably just opened a whole can of worms by stating my beliefs on this topic but I use it as an example that it's not always a Yes or No thing. There are variables in my mind.
I think if we each look at the candidate we're supporting, we can each say that there are many things we don't like about each of them. The good Lord knows that each one has their own individual flaws. Not a single one of us is ever going to make 100% of the population happy. It's coming down to what we can each live with in relation to those flaws.
My solution to this problem? Respect. Respect the rights each one of us have. Respect that each one of us is entitled to our individual opinions and that we should be allowed to speak them without fear of being called a racist, sexist, criminal or moron. Respect that we each have a voice and that we're all entitled to speak our piece. Respect that we are lucky enough to be able agree or disagree with those opinions without fear of being executed for treason.
Underneath it all, we are Americans. The color of our skin, our religion, sexual orientation, political affiliations, where we come from or our sex isn't what determines who we are. We ARE Americans, each one of us. What hurts my neighbor, hurts me. Until we can get past those distinctions when referring to our friends and neighbors, we're never going to get past this hate that seems to be taking over.
I'm looking forward to November 9th. Not because the election will finally be over, one way or the other but because, hopefully, we all can begin healing from this nightmare that is our presidential election.
Play nice folks. Respect each other. Rest assured if I considered you a friend on July 1 I will still consider you a friend, one who I respect and love, on November 9th. I hope you can say the same.
I've recently observed that it's an election year. I've also noticed that this one is pretty ugly. Let me assure you that this post will NOT veer off into a republican vs democrat rant. We've all had enough of that. Really, we have. These are just some personal observations and thoughts I've been storing up.
These past few months have shown me a serious decline in our culture. Both sides of the aisle are calling for civil rights reform, equality between race & sex, police and population. And that's great. Holler for it, scream for it, and be willing to work for it. But where are we today? Be honest with yourself and look around at your nation, region, state, community and even within yourself. Are we making progress with these issues or are we going backward? We have rapists being sentenced to 6 months. We have police officers being gunned down in the streets. We have citizens being gunned down by the police (some cases warranted, others not). We have political offices being fire bombed and having manure dumped at the front door. We have athletes kneeling during the national anthem and people boycotting athletics because of it. We have blanket condemnations being made about groups of citizens based on the actions of a few. Is this really what we've become as a country?
In my opinion it boils down to respect or a lack thereof. I was raised with a healthy understanding of respect. If I disrespected someone in front of my parents more often than not I would get a reminder. Usually in the form of a pop in the mouth to remind me to watch what I allowed to come out of it. Did that make me a better person? Maybe it did as I do my best to be respectful in my dealings with people in general.
I am a firm believer in equal rights. My definition of equal is just that, EQUALITY for all. No better or no worse than the guy right beside me. Special treatment based upon race, sex or religion is bullshit, the same as discrimination based on these same things is bullshit. I believe that the athlete has the right to kneel during the national anthem and I respect his choice to do this. I also believe that I have the right to dislike that action without being called a racist. I respect that we are both entitled to our freedom to stand or kneel and we are both entitled to respectfully speak out about the action, either way, without name calling and hate speech. I sometimes think we forget this. We get so caught up in being politically correct that we forget that respect goes both ways.
I also believe the police officers are entitled to respect. I may not like that the guy is writing me a speeding ticket but I respect the fact that I did something to earn that ticket and that the man carries a gun and therefore I will not do anything to provoke him/her into using that gun. I'm also smart enough to realize that in some cases power corrupts and there are officers out there who don't deserve to wear the badge. But I don't believe that saying one life is more important than the other is a solution.
During the last 8 years I've not had a favorable opinion of our current president's policies. But, I am a big enough person to admit that there have been some things he's done right. Marriage equality being one of the big ones that stand out in my mind. I will always applaud him for this giant step forward. I may not like his position on all of the political points but I do respect that he is our duly elected president. I respect the fact that his supporters have the right to speak their support just as his dissenters have the right to speak their minds.
During this election season I have noticed things that really worry me. It seems you can't have a reasonable political discussion without it devolving, horribly. When I see people who I care about and consider friends, make public posts that question MY individual character, values and morals based my personal political beliefs, it hurts my feelings. My personal feelings, not my political feelings. I have people I hold very dear to me who live on all sides of the aisle. I respect that everyone has strong feelings about their candidate. That's what democracy is all about. I'll be the first to admit I've said and posted very unfavorable things about Clinton, the candidate. Maybe some people take that personally? Myself, I don't take questioning a candidate personally, I feel that it's our job as Americans to question. But when someone questions the individual candidates supporter, that isn't right in my book. I have yet to say that the character flaws either candidate have is reflected in their supporters moral makeup. And I won't.
Please, don't get me wrong, I see that the attacks are coming from both sides and their supporters. I see the personal attacks that the Trump supporters post about Clinton supporters as well as what the Clinton side says. I just don't like it. It offends me and it worries me. It worries me because I am not a 'hard line' type of American. I don't see the talking points as absolutes, that either A or B are the only options. I believe that in most of the talking points there should also be a C or D option thrown in. For example, I do not believe that Roe V Wade should be overturned because there ARE reasons abortion should be an option, rape or incest being two of them. But in saying this, I also believe that birth control begins in the bedroom, not in a procedure room. I don't believe that abortion as a form of birth control should be funded by our tax dollars. I probably just opened a whole can of worms by stating my beliefs on this topic but I use it as an example that it's not always a Yes or No thing. There are variables in my mind.
I think if we each look at the candidate we're supporting, we can each say that there are many things we don't like about each of them. The good Lord knows that each one has their own individual flaws. Not a single one of us is ever going to make 100% of the population happy. It's coming down to what we can each live with in relation to those flaws.
My solution to this problem? Respect. Respect the rights each one of us have. Respect that each one of us is entitled to our individual opinions and that we should be allowed to speak them without fear of being called a racist, sexist, criminal or moron. Respect that we each have a voice and that we're all entitled to speak our piece. Respect that we are lucky enough to be able agree or disagree with those opinions without fear of being executed for treason.
Underneath it all, we are Americans. The color of our skin, our religion, sexual orientation, political affiliations, where we come from or our sex isn't what determines who we are. We ARE Americans, each one of us. What hurts my neighbor, hurts me. Until we can get past those distinctions when referring to our friends and neighbors, we're never going to get past this hate that seems to be taking over.
I'm looking forward to November 9th. Not because the election will finally be over, one way or the other but because, hopefully, we all can begin healing from this nightmare that is our presidential election.
Play nice folks. Respect each other. Rest assured if I considered you a friend on July 1 I will still consider you a friend, one who I respect and love, on November 9th. I hope you can say the same.
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Empty Nesting
I woke up this morning to a house empty of kids. No, this isn't the first time I've woke up and they weren't home, but today is the first time that it falls into a more 'permanent' category. I have to say, my heart hurts just a little and a tear or two may have fallen as I glanced into that emptier (and dirty!) bedroom. I sat down with my morning caffeine and thought things over. After thinking (bawling) for just a little bit, I got up, gathered up an empty trash bag, laundry hamper and Swiffer and started cleaning his room. The aggravation of the mess in his room helps me get through the sad.
I have a 25 year old son. He moved out for good at the age of 20 and hasn't looked back. Dakota lives in Alabama, has bought his own home and is holding down a damn good job. He is building a life that I am proud to have contributed to the foundation of. There have been bumps in the road as he learned what being an adult is all about but he never once has asked us to bail him out or to fix his problems. He is living his life as he was raised to live it. We told him all we want for him is to be happy, support himself and family and to pass on the morals and values we taught him. Check!
BoDee moved into his college dorm yesterday. He will be playing football, carrying a full credit load (and then some to be honest) and working a campus job. I'm positive that he will also find some fun while he's away stretching his wings for the first time, as he should. He is excited to begin this next phase of his life and was more than a little nervous, if I am to be honest. As I watched my baby boy interact with his new team and coaches, wearing his adorable smile, I had to be happy for him. While the mom in me saw the touch of fear in his eyes as he hugged me goodbye, he told me "I will be fine" while grinning that BoDee grin we all love. And you know what? He will be more than fine. I look forward to watching him work and play hard the next four years.
All in all, at the risk of bragging just a little, I think Phillip and I did pretty good raising these two young men. They understand hard work is required to get what you want in life, be it material extras or food to live. They understand that the world owes them nothing and they have to get what they want and need on their own, it won't be handed to them. On top of that, they are damn good men who enjoy life much in the same way I do, with humor and an occasional touch of snarky sarcasm. We've raised them to be responsible and kind but to never be a door mat.
So I sit here, with a wiener dog in my lap, listening to the silence and I am proud. Phillip and I have all but accomplished what every parent's goal in life should be. We've raised independent and productive children. These two men are my best accomplishment and I am proud to be their Mom!
Now comes the fun part of adulthood. Phillip and I will begin our transition into middle age/empty nest. I look forward to driving 4 hours north and 6 hours south on a regular basis. And the very small but mischievous part of my brain is already making some plans to keep myself busy and hopefully out of any serious trouble!
I have a 25 year old son. He moved out for good at the age of 20 and hasn't looked back. Dakota lives in Alabama, has bought his own home and is holding down a damn good job. He is building a life that I am proud to have contributed to the foundation of. There have been bumps in the road as he learned what being an adult is all about but he never once has asked us to bail him out or to fix his problems. He is living his life as he was raised to live it. We told him all we want for him is to be happy, support himself and family and to pass on the morals and values we taught him. Check!
BoDee moved into his college dorm yesterday. He will be playing football, carrying a full credit load (and then some to be honest) and working a campus job. I'm positive that he will also find some fun while he's away stretching his wings for the first time, as he should. He is excited to begin this next phase of his life and was more than a little nervous, if I am to be honest. As I watched my baby boy interact with his new team and coaches, wearing his adorable smile, I had to be happy for him. While the mom in me saw the touch of fear in his eyes as he hugged me goodbye, he told me "I will be fine" while grinning that BoDee grin we all love. And you know what? He will be more than fine. I look forward to watching him work and play hard the next four years.
All in all, at the risk of bragging just a little, I think Phillip and I did pretty good raising these two young men. They understand hard work is required to get what you want in life, be it material extras or food to live. They understand that the world owes them nothing and they have to get what they want and need on their own, it won't be handed to them. On top of that, they are damn good men who enjoy life much in the same way I do, with humor and an occasional touch of snarky sarcasm. We've raised them to be responsible and kind but to never be a door mat.
So I sit here, with a wiener dog in my lap, listening to the silence and I am proud. Phillip and I have all but accomplished what every parent's goal in life should be. We've raised independent and productive children. These two men are my best accomplishment and I am proud to be their Mom!
Now comes the fun part of adulthood. Phillip and I will begin our transition into middle age/empty nest. I look forward to driving 4 hours north and 6 hours south on a regular basis. And the very small but mischievous part of my brain is already making some plans to keep myself busy and hopefully out of any serious trouble!
Thursday, May 26, 2016
3 am
It's 3 AM.
Again.
I'm watching you sleep and all I can do is wonder why. Why am I watching you sleep? Why are you the one who had to be stricken, not once, not twice but three times? Why do you fight so very hard? Why does this happen to honest to God GOOD people? Why can't just the assholes of the world be the ones who suffer?
I know we aren't supposed to ask those questions, but how can I help it? I see the care your family provides you, in the gentle touches and feather light kisses on your forehead, their love shows in every moment and in every movement. YOU taught them this. You taught them to love their family above all else. To be strong and tackle whatever is thrown at you with faith, love and courage. I have to say, you taught them well and I know you are proud.
Your brother sits beside me, dozing when he can. Your husband is not so gently snoring beside you, worry still lining his face. Your kids are here, all over the house, sleeping wherever they can find a spot and cuddled up with your grandchildren. They're teaching their kids the same lessons you've taught them, even though they may not realize that their kids are learning from this also.
I can't help but think about times we have spent together. How, at one time, we really weren't as close as we are now. How through the years all that changed. We grew to like, respect and love each other as sisters. I regret not telling you directly how much I truly admire you. I've said it in writing several times, but never straight from my mouth to your ears. I am thankful for the trust you placed in me during your battles. I've learned so much from you over the years and I am thankful for those lessons.
In writing this, I'm starting to be able answer my whys. I'm watching you sleep because I love you. You were stricken to teach those of us by your side courage, grace and strength. You fight so hard because that's just you and always has been.
As I go through the night, folding laundry, straightening up your kitchen and tending to your needs, I pray. Even while questioning God's plan, I pray for you to find peace. I pray for comfort for your family. I pray they are able to heal when you find your peace. I pray I never have to be as strong as you.
I pray for you, with love, respect and tears, I pray.
Again.
I'm watching you sleep and all I can do is wonder why. Why am I watching you sleep? Why are you the one who had to be stricken, not once, not twice but three times? Why do you fight so very hard? Why does this happen to honest to God GOOD people? Why can't just the assholes of the world be the ones who suffer?
I know we aren't supposed to ask those questions, but how can I help it? I see the care your family provides you, in the gentle touches and feather light kisses on your forehead, their love shows in every moment and in every movement. YOU taught them this. You taught them to love their family above all else. To be strong and tackle whatever is thrown at you with faith, love and courage. I have to say, you taught them well and I know you are proud.
Your brother sits beside me, dozing when he can. Your husband is not so gently snoring beside you, worry still lining his face. Your kids are here, all over the house, sleeping wherever they can find a spot and cuddled up with your grandchildren. They're teaching their kids the same lessons you've taught them, even though they may not realize that their kids are learning from this also.
I can't help but think about times we have spent together. How, at one time, we really weren't as close as we are now. How through the years all that changed. We grew to like, respect and love each other as sisters. I regret not telling you directly how much I truly admire you. I've said it in writing several times, but never straight from my mouth to your ears. I am thankful for the trust you placed in me during your battles. I've learned so much from you over the years and I am thankful for those lessons.
In writing this, I'm starting to be able answer my whys. I'm watching you sleep because I love you. You were stricken to teach those of us by your side courage, grace and strength. You fight so hard because that's just you and always has been.
As I go through the night, folding laundry, straightening up your kitchen and tending to your needs, I pray. Even while questioning God's plan, I pray for you to find peace. I pray for comfort for your family. I pray they are able to heal when you find your peace. I pray I never have to be as strong as you.
I pray for you, with love, respect and tears, I pray.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Gap? Hell, it's a Chasm...
Back when I was a young one, I remember my parents and grandparents discussing the "Generation Gap" and their frustrations with the "kids these days". During the course of my day today, I finally realized exactly what they were talking about. Respectfully, I have to say that the Generation Gap terminology no longer applies. I seriously feel like it is a Generation Chasm.
This morning I had two young men in my office at different times. By young men I am meaning over 18 but under 25. Here's how those moments went:
Young man #1 - This young man had interviewed for a position and was hired for that position starting the following Monday. Low and behold, that following Monday comes and he doesn't report for work. (this happens A LOT!) Today he arrives in my office wondering if he could start next Monday. I'm thinking, 'Really?' but refrain from sarcasm. I tell him that all of our positions are currently full and that we aren't hiring at the moment. He tells me to just hang onto his previously completed application and next time we're hiring I should just call him. I politely as possible tell him that his application is no longer active (it's in a round file somewhere) and that he isn't eligible for employment with us due to the fact that he failed to show up for work or communicate with us in any way that he wouldn't be here. He then tells me that I just don't understand his problems and that I am being unfair. Okay...maybe I am being a bit harsh? I ask him to explain his problems. His problems/reasons why he couldn't come to work: his alarm didn't go off, he was in Indiana and didn't realize the time difference (uhh, HELLO? Indiana is an hour AHEAD of us? You should have been early?), and last but not least, it's hard to get up and go to work that early. Didn't take me long to determine that I wasn't being harsh at all.
Young Man #2: This young man had worked here for 3 days and then just stopped showing up. No call, no nothing. He came in and asked for an application, which I provided and he completed. He asked when he could expect a call for an interview. I told him that all of our positions are full and that we aren't hiring. He puffs up his chest and informs me that so & so (I have no clue who he was talking about?) said we were hiring. I said sorry, but they're mistaken, we don't have anything open. He glares at me hard and takes a step toward me into my office. I keep an eye on him while feeling around for my pepper spray which I located quickly. He sees the canister, calls me a "F'ing Bitch" and slams out of the office. I wait until he's off the property, put my pepper spray back in it's spot and feed my round file another snack.
Now, I am not so presumptuous to assume that ALL 18 - 25 year olds act this way. Fortunately, I do know better. But these type of young men are, unfortunately, the ones that the rest of them are sometimes judged by just because the impression is so terribly bad. This attitude really sticks out in peoples minds. I have a son in this age group (soon to be 2 sons)and I would be ashamed to hear that either of them behaved this way and probably wouldn't be above smacking their mouth, even now. ;)
My day has definitely went in generational stages. The next part of the day was spent dealing with folks of my generation (30 - 55 yrs old). As I work in a mostly male dominated field, everyone happened to be a guy that I dealt with today, but knowing several women of this generation, I think this is pretty much the general rule. I deal with men and women from the financial/insurance, service, clerical and technical fields. In my experience, our generation is a little more relaxed, eager to assist, happy to share/listen to an off color joke or comment, demand results on tasks, and are more than willing to cooperate with you on what needs accomplished. One other thing I have noticed of 'my generation' is that we don't accept excuses very often, we demand responsibility and productivity. Of course, there are exceptions to these rules but they are few and far between. The men I deal with treat me with respect but not kid gloves. The don't call me Mrs Steber, honey, or baby, they call me Suzi. They will still do the heavy lifting if needed but also understand that my lack of dangly genitals does not mean I am stupid or incapable. My generation really is awesome! (True Fact-The most sexist demographic I deal with is the younger men. This floors me!)
Last but not least the older generation crossed my path (65+). I was walking out of the grocery store with my cart about as full as you can get it. Being a somewhat fast walker, I quickly went by the older gentleman, who had to be 75 if he was a day, in front of me. Turns out we were parked next to each other. I have my cart almost unloaded when he puts his single bag of goodies into his car. He turns to me and I grin at him, as I think he's awfully cute in his fedora, suspenders and khaki pants, and he says to me "Sweetie, what on earth are you doing?" I look around at what's left in the cart, 1 misc. bag of food, 2 cases of water and a 12 pk of soda and I have to ask him "What do you mean?" He proceeds to gently nudge me out of the way and then HE puts the bag, water and soda into the truck for me. I thank him and try to take the cart he's pushing to the cart rack for me. He tut tut's me and won't let me help. So, being the complete extrovert that I am, I walk with him. We exchange names and make small talk while we walk from the cart rack back to my truck. At this point, this darling little man asks me "What on earth is a sweet little thing like you doing driving this giant truck?" I do my absolute best not to snicker because this gentleman is at least 8" shorter than I am and I bet I have at least 40 pounds on him (anyone calling me a 'little thing' is probably due for their annual eye exam). He continues to say "you go tell that man of yours that you need a nice car to drive, not this monster truck!" He opens my door and actually extends his hand to 'help' me climb up into my monster truck (It REALLY isn't that big, is it??). We do the normal thank you, be careful, take care type of goodbye and he shuts my truck door from outside AFTER ensuring that I am buckled up and all of my limbs are fully and safely in the truck. All I can say is Phillip better be careful because I have a complete crush on my sweet, kind, chivalrous gentleman friend from the store!
Again, I freely admit that there are good kids in that younger generation, the same as there are butt heads in my generation and the occasional cranky old fart in the older generation. But, for me going from being called a "F'ing Bitch" to a "sweet little thing" all in the course of 6 hours just really brought it all into focus. I can only hope that eventually this chasm will shrink back to a gap. That respect and courtesy will be ageless and chivalry will never die.
Happy Thursday Folks! Be kind, be funny, be strong, and always smile at a man wearing a fedora, khaki pants and suspenders!
This morning I had two young men in my office at different times. By young men I am meaning over 18 but under 25. Here's how those moments went:
Young man #1 - This young man had interviewed for a position and was hired for that position starting the following Monday. Low and behold, that following Monday comes and he doesn't report for work. (this happens A LOT!) Today he arrives in my office wondering if he could start next Monday. I'm thinking, 'Really?' but refrain from sarcasm. I tell him that all of our positions are currently full and that we aren't hiring at the moment. He tells me to just hang onto his previously completed application and next time we're hiring I should just call him. I politely as possible tell him that his application is no longer active (it's in a round file somewhere) and that he isn't eligible for employment with us due to the fact that he failed to show up for work or communicate with us in any way that he wouldn't be here. He then tells me that I just don't understand his problems and that I am being unfair. Okay...maybe I am being a bit harsh? I ask him to explain his problems. His problems/reasons why he couldn't come to work: his alarm didn't go off, he was in Indiana and didn't realize the time difference (uhh, HELLO? Indiana is an hour AHEAD of us? You should have been early?), and last but not least, it's hard to get up and go to work that early. Didn't take me long to determine that I wasn't being harsh at all.
Young Man #2: This young man had worked here for 3 days and then just stopped showing up. No call, no nothing. He came in and asked for an application, which I provided and he completed. He asked when he could expect a call for an interview. I told him that all of our positions are full and that we aren't hiring. He puffs up his chest and informs me that so & so (I have no clue who he was talking about?) said we were hiring. I said sorry, but they're mistaken, we don't have anything open. He glares at me hard and takes a step toward me into my office. I keep an eye on him while feeling around for my pepper spray which I located quickly. He sees the canister, calls me a "F'ing Bitch" and slams out of the office. I wait until he's off the property, put my pepper spray back in it's spot and feed my round file another snack.
Now, I am not so presumptuous to assume that ALL 18 - 25 year olds act this way. Fortunately, I do know better. But these type of young men are, unfortunately, the ones that the rest of them are sometimes judged by just because the impression is so terribly bad. This attitude really sticks out in peoples minds. I have a son in this age group (soon to be 2 sons)and I would be ashamed to hear that either of them behaved this way and probably wouldn't be above smacking their mouth, even now. ;)
My day has definitely went in generational stages. The next part of the day was spent dealing with folks of my generation (30 - 55 yrs old). As I work in a mostly male dominated field, everyone happened to be a guy that I dealt with today, but knowing several women of this generation, I think this is pretty much the general rule. I deal with men and women from the financial/insurance, service, clerical and technical fields. In my experience, our generation is a little more relaxed, eager to assist, happy to share/listen to an off color joke or comment, demand results on tasks, and are more than willing to cooperate with you on what needs accomplished. One other thing I have noticed of 'my generation' is that we don't accept excuses very often, we demand responsibility and productivity. Of course, there are exceptions to these rules but they are few and far between. The men I deal with treat me with respect but not kid gloves. The don't call me Mrs Steber, honey, or baby, they call me Suzi. They will still do the heavy lifting if needed but also understand that my lack of dangly genitals does not mean I am stupid or incapable. My generation really is awesome! (True Fact-The most sexist demographic I deal with is the younger men. This floors me!)
Last but not least the older generation crossed my path (65+). I was walking out of the grocery store with my cart about as full as you can get it. Being a somewhat fast walker, I quickly went by the older gentleman, who had to be 75 if he was a day, in front of me. Turns out we were parked next to each other. I have my cart almost unloaded when he puts his single bag of goodies into his car. He turns to me and I grin at him, as I think he's awfully cute in his fedora, suspenders and khaki pants, and he says to me "Sweetie, what on earth are you doing?" I look around at what's left in the cart, 1 misc. bag of food, 2 cases of water and a 12 pk of soda and I have to ask him "What do you mean?" He proceeds to gently nudge me out of the way and then HE puts the bag, water and soda into the truck for me. I thank him and try to take the cart he's pushing to the cart rack for me. He tut tut's me and won't let me help. So, being the complete extrovert that I am, I walk with him. We exchange names and make small talk while we walk from the cart rack back to my truck. At this point, this darling little man asks me "What on earth is a sweet little thing like you doing driving this giant truck?" I do my absolute best not to snicker because this gentleman is at least 8" shorter than I am and I bet I have at least 40 pounds on him (anyone calling me a 'little thing' is probably due for their annual eye exam). He continues to say "you go tell that man of yours that you need a nice car to drive, not this monster truck!" He opens my door and actually extends his hand to 'help' me climb up into my monster truck (It REALLY isn't that big, is it??). We do the normal thank you, be careful, take care type of goodbye and he shuts my truck door from outside AFTER ensuring that I am buckled up and all of my limbs are fully and safely in the truck. All I can say is Phillip better be careful because I have a complete crush on my sweet, kind, chivalrous gentleman friend from the store!
Again, I freely admit that there are good kids in that younger generation, the same as there are butt heads in my generation and the occasional cranky old fart in the older generation. But, for me going from being called a "F'ing Bitch" to a "sweet little thing" all in the course of 6 hours just really brought it all into focus. I can only hope that eventually this chasm will shrink back to a gap. That respect and courtesy will be ageless and chivalry will never die.
Happy Thursday Folks! Be kind, be funny, be strong, and always smile at a man wearing a fedora, khaki pants and suspenders!
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Orphanism (is that a word?)
Forgive me this one small indulgence and maybe just a little bit of self pity.....
Tomorrow would have been my mothers 75th birthday. Is it possible she has been gone almost 19 years already? I shake my head in dismay when I stop and realize all of the things I wasn't able to share with her. I wonder what our relationship would be like now. Would she like the woman I have become? Would she still give me a verbal kick in the ass if I was feeling sorry for myself? Would we still butt heads like two strong women sometimes do? (I kinda think 'yes' to all of these!)
The day we realized mom just wasn't going to make it is forever etched in my mind. Every minute of that day still seems like it was yesterday. The last words she said to Phillip and I, I can still hear echoing through my head. To me she said "Oh, my poor sweet baby" while kissing my hand. And to Phillip "You WILL take care of my baby, ALWAYS." I think I will always be able to 'hear' those words and for that I am grateful. She was a strong woman who made it a point to talk to each of us during those final hours. She always had the last word, even then.
One regret I have is that she never had the chance to see what/who I would become or really get to know me as an adult. Maybe she had an inkling I would turn out to be at least an okay human being? I sure would like to think so. I was 25 when mom died. Damn, that's young ain't it? When I look back at that time I realize that even though I was married and had a child, I was still a kid in so many ways. The advice she gave that I resented, the tips and criticisms that sometimes felt hateful, really weren't, they were guidance. The swat on the ass she may have gave my young Army man when he was being a shit head wasn't a reflection on me like I assumed at the time, it was because the kid needed a swat on his ass! My youngest was born 11 months after mom died. If I had $1 for every time I picked up the phone the next year after his birth to call her and brag, ask for advice, or just to vent, I probably could have retired at 27. The older I get and the older my children get, the more of her good parts (that I was to silly to see as good) I see in myself... That's not me bragging, just me being my brutally honest self.
I learned about pain when my mom died. With dad, I learned even more about pain, but I also learned about compassion and making time for what counts in life. Dad often said "do it when you can, not when you think you should" He expressed his regrets that he and mom put off plans for their retirement. As I watched him slowly decline while fighting with everything he had I learned how important it is to just have someone hold your hand and speak of comfort. I also learned that a good day fishing is worth the dirty nails, a cold beer can't really hurt anything...even at 10 am, and being true to yourself and speaking your mind won't cost you your REAL friends. Man, I could go on for pages and pages of what I learned from him. Actually, from both, but to be 100% honest, I was to young and immature to realize and treasure all the lessons learned from mom.
I love spring, but it sure does bring it all crashing back for some reason. Folks, hug your parents, take them out for dinner and spend time with them at every opportunity. Yeah, they will always give unsolicited advice, dig into your personal life, gripe at you for this that or the other, but it's all done with love. I really don't mean to preach... I just realize what I miss. I miss my Dad and Mom. Everything about them, good and bad.
Being an orphan really fucking sucks!
Tomorrow would have been my mothers 75th birthday. Is it possible she has been gone almost 19 years already? I shake my head in dismay when I stop and realize all of the things I wasn't able to share with her. I wonder what our relationship would be like now. Would she like the woman I have become? Would she still give me a verbal kick in the ass if I was feeling sorry for myself? Would we still butt heads like two strong women sometimes do? (I kinda think 'yes' to all of these!)
The day we realized mom just wasn't going to make it is forever etched in my mind. Every minute of that day still seems like it was yesterday. The last words she said to Phillip and I, I can still hear echoing through my head. To me she said "Oh, my poor sweet baby" while kissing my hand. And to Phillip "You WILL take care of my baby, ALWAYS." I think I will always be able to 'hear' those words and for that I am grateful. She was a strong woman who made it a point to talk to each of us during those final hours. She always had the last word, even then.
One regret I have is that she never had the chance to see what/who I would become or really get to know me as an adult. Maybe she had an inkling I would turn out to be at least an okay human being? I sure would like to think so. I was 25 when mom died. Damn, that's young ain't it? When I look back at that time I realize that even though I was married and had a child, I was still a kid in so many ways. The advice she gave that I resented, the tips and criticisms that sometimes felt hateful, really weren't, they were guidance. The swat on the ass she may have gave my young Army man when he was being a shit head wasn't a reflection on me like I assumed at the time, it was because the kid needed a swat on his ass! My youngest was born 11 months after mom died. If I had $1 for every time I picked up the phone the next year after his birth to call her and brag, ask for advice, or just to vent, I probably could have retired at 27. The older I get and the older my children get, the more of her good parts (that I was to silly to see as good) I see in myself... That's not me bragging, just me being my brutally honest self.
I learned about pain when my mom died. With dad, I learned even more about pain, but I also learned about compassion and making time for what counts in life. Dad often said "do it when you can, not when you think you should" He expressed his regrets that he and mom put off plans for their retirement. As I watched him slowly decline while fighting with everything he had I learned how important it is to just have someone hold your hand and speak of comfort. I also learned that a good day fishing is worth the dirty nails, a cold beer can't really hurt anything...even at 10 am, and being true to yourself and speaking your mind won't cost you your REAL friends. Man, I could go on for pages and pages of what I learned from him. Actually, from both, but to be 100% honest, I was to young and immature to realize and treasure all the lessons learned from mom.
I love spring, but it sure does bring it all crashing back for some reason. Folks, hug your parents, take them out for dinner and spend time with them at every opportunity. Yeah, they will always give unsolicited advice, dig into your personal life, gripe at you for this that or the other, but it's all done with love. I really don't mean to preach... I just realize what I miss. I miss my Dad and Mom. Everything about them, good and bad.
Being an orphan really fucking sucks!
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Let's Suppose...... Something Changes? Oh My!
Come with me on a little journey .....
It all begins with Johnny. You see, Johnny just turned 14 and he is a quiet and shy little guy. He also isn't a happy young man. His mom and dad have divorced and he feels he is put in the middle of every argument they have. His dad has a new girlfriend and his mom is never home so he is naturally confused and depressed. He goes to school everyday but hates it because he doesn't have any real friends. Sure, there are people who talk to him but no real bonds are formed. Johnny feels alone. The teachers don't seem to notice this quiet young man who doesn't participate more than what he HAS to. Every week he feels a little more down, a little less understood and more and more alone. He is lost and feels he as no one to turn to.
We can all imagine where Johnny is going on his current path, right? He will either drop out of school, start experimenting with alcohol and/or drugs, and maybe even worse. Johnny has a bleak future if something doesn't change and change soon.
But, what if Johnny had even ONE friend he could turn to or ONE adult he was comfortable enough to talk with. Wouldn't Johnny have a better chance of getting off the path he is currently on?
Okay, yeah...this is probably way off the beaten path from where you might have thought I was going with this little entry but I feel it is relevant so hang in there with me. This entry started formulating itself in my head last night as I attended the annual media night at our local high school. When hubby and I walked up the band was playing (in a most excellent way) and you could just feel the community pride in the air. Hubby and I purchased t-shirts and other goodies from the groups that were there raising money. Little guy wasn't going to be introduced for a while so we just mingled in and around the crowd, chatting with friends. You know, typical small town Friday night.
And then I heard it. I wasn't intentionally eavesdropping but it was kinda hard to NOT hear, if you know what I mean. There were some folks complaining about a recent addition to the fall sports program. Complaints about this sport loosing athletes to the new sport, 'wasted' funds, etc. They were being not very subtle in their position and what they thought of the folks running it. I was offended by this and I'll admit I was about to join in with their little conversation and tell them my point of view. But, the little angel that lives on my left shoulder suggested that maybe that wasn't the time or place. I think this post is the time and place.
Getting back to Johnny: Suppose Johnny was a croquet player up through Jr High. He had teammates that he worked with daily to improve his game. He also had peers he could turn to and vice versa. They weren't just a team, they were family. Then along came High School. Croquet was no longer available as an option. Johnny didn't want to play football and he wasn't much for running long distances. He had never played an instrument in the band and cheerleading just wasn't going to happen. All he wanted was to play croquet and have things be more like they used to be. Low and behold, his long time coach approaches the community and croquet is allowed to become an option. Now, Johnny has a reason to study, so his grades improve. He works with his team raising the funds to buy uniforms and mallets, so his self esteem improves. He makes friends with some of his teammates and talks with his coach, so he no longer feels adrift. We aren't going to worry about Johnny as much now, are we? If adding a sport, club, or program to the menu of choices keeps ONE more kid in school and away from the other options, isn't it worth it?
Hubby and I have spent a lot of time discussing the controversy that is this new program. As most of you know, our little guy is a football player, so in all reality we really didn't have a pony in that race. But we tend to be fairly open minded about things and try to embrace any change that will help the community. Isn't this also a small town philosophy? We gladly provide money for t-shirts, donate for raffles, or offer to help where we can. We both feel that this is part of living in a community that cares. And it doesn't matter to us if the money is going to the band, the boosters, girls tennis or the soccer team. As long as whatever we are contributing is being used to help the ENTIRE team and/or organization, we will continue to help anyone who asks.
Change is hard for some folks to accept. I have heard many times "but...it's always been this way". Well, you know what? In 1869 blacks weren't allowed to vote. In 1919 women weren't allowed to vote. Why? Because it had always been that way. But guess what? In 1870 & 1920, things changed. Now, I am not saying that adding this program is equivalent to changing the voting laws and I am not saying that adding croquet is going to help every child. But, I bet it doesn't harm any of them either. Change is inevitable. If we can't change as a community, the community will become stagnant. Why not embrace the changes and help formulate a plan to make the community stronger and more attractive? I have always been a believer in being part of the solution instead of being a part of the problem.
I saw a picture the other day of a cooler full of Gatorade and a note from a coach wishing the new program a successful year. I thought that showed pure class and true Eagle Pride. Well done Coach and family! You guys have set the perfect example by your generosity and open mindedness.
Who knows? Maybe someday we will have a grandchild playing on the croquet team?
It all begins with Johnny. You see, Johnny just turned 14 and he is a quiet and shy little guy. He also isn't a happy young man. His mom and dad have divorced and he feels he is put in the middle of every argument they have. His dad has a new girlfriend and his mom is never home so he is naturally confused and depressed. He goes to school everyday but hates it because he doesn't have any real friends. Sure, there are people who talk to him but no real bonds are formed. Johnny feels alone. The teachers don't seem to notice this quiet young man who doesn't participate more than what he HAS to. Every week he feels a little more down, a little less understood and more and more alone. He is lost and feels he as no one to turn to.
We can all imagine where Johnny is going on his current path, right? He will either drop out of school, start experimenting with alcohol and/or drugs, and maybe even worse. Johnny has a bleak future if something doesn't change and change soon.
But, what if Johnny had even ONE friend he could turn to or ONE adult he was comfortable enough to talk with. Wouldn't Johnny have a better chance of getting off the path he is currently on?
Okay, yeah...this is probably way off the beaten path from where you might have thought I was going with this little entry but I feel it is relevant so hang in there with me. This entry started formulating itself in my head last night as I attended the annual media night at our local high school. When hubby and I walked up the band was playing (in a most excellent way) and you could just feel the community pride in the air. Hubby and I purchased t-shirts and other goodies from the groups that were there raising money. Little guy wasn't going to be introduced for a while so we just mingled in and around the crowd, chatting with friends. You know, typical small town Friday night.
And then I heard it. I wasn't intentionally eavesdropping but it was kinda hard to NOT hear, if you know what I mean. There were some folks complaining about a recent addition to the fall sports program. Complaints about this sport loosing athletes to the new sport, 'wasted' funds, etc. They were being not very subtle in their position and what they thought of the folks running it. I was offended by this and I'll admit I was about to join in with their little conversation and tell them my point of view. But, the little angel that lives on my left shoulder suggested that maybe that wasn't the time or place. I think this post is the time and place.
Getting back to Johnny: Suppose Johnny was a croquet player up through Jr High. He had teammates that he worked with daily to improve his game. He also had peers he could turn to and vice versa. They weren't just a team, they were family. Then along came High School. Croquet was no longer available as an option. Johnny didn't want to play football and he wasn't much for running long distances. He had never played an instrument in the band and cheerleading just wasn't going to happen. All he wanted was to play croquet and have things be more like they used to be. Low and behold, his long time coach approaches the community and croquet is allowed to become an option. Now, Johnny has a reason to study, so his grades improve. He works with his team raising the funds to buy uniforms and mallets, so his self esteem improves. He makes friends with some of his teammates and talks with his coach, so he no longer feels adrift. We aren't going to worry about Johnny as much now, are we? If adding a sport, club, or program to the menu of choices keeps ONE more kid in school and away from the other options, isn't it worth it?
Hubby and I have spent a lot of time discussing the controversy that is this new program. As most of you know, our little guy is a football player, so in all reality we really didn't have a pony in that race. But we tend to be fairly open minded about things and try to embrace any change that will help the community. Isn't this also a small town philosophy? We gladly provide money for t-shirts, donate for raffles, or offer to help where we can. We both feel that this is part of living in a community that cares. And it doesn't matter to us if the money is going to the band, the boosters, girls tennis or the soccer team. As long as whatever we are contributing is being used to help the ENTIRE team and/or organization, we will continue to help anyone who asks.
Change is hard for some folks to accept. I have heard many times "but...it's always been this way". Well, you know what? In 1869 blacks weren't allowed to vote. In 1919 women weren't allowed to vote. Why? Because it had always been that way. But guess what? In 1870 & 1920, things changed. Now, I am not saying that adding this program is equivalent to changing the voting laws and I am not saying that adding croquet is going to help every child. But, I bet it doesn't harm any of them either. Change is inevitable. If we can't change as a community, the community will become stagnant. Why not embrace the changes and help formulate a plan to make the community stronger and more attractive? I have always been a believer in being part of the solution instead of being a part of the problem.
I saw a picture the other day of a cooler full of Gatorade and a note from a coach wishing the new program a successful year. I thought that showed pure class and true Eagle Pride. Well done Coach and family! You guys have set the perfect example by your generosity and open mindedness.
Who knows? Maybe someday we will have a grandchild playing on the croquet team?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)