When I first started driving I ended up with a flat tire one Friday night on my way to a winter dance with my friends. I had no clue at all what to do w/ a flat tire. I parked the car a couple blocks from the school, went inside, called the local chapter for Roadside assistance (Daddy) and went on my happy way to the dance. Never once thinking about how he had just gotten home from a 10 day rotary job in Michigan and that he was tired, cold and ready to be home. When the dance was over we all walked back to my car, made sure it fixed and finished up the night. How cool was that? Make a call and my problem was solved and I didn't even have to get my hands dirty. Or so I thought...
When I get home that night there is a note on the kitchen table for me. Basically my dad had ordered me an 8 am wake up and I would be at his shop in the morning, come hell or high water. When I arrived at the shop, I assumed that Dad was going to put the repaired tire on my car...man, was I deluded. I spent the next 5 hours learning how to replace a flat tire to his satisfaction. I learned how to properly and safely place and use the jack, how to remove the lug nuts and store them in the hub cap so that they wouldn't be lost. He showed me how to put the new tire on and how the lug nuts don't just get screwed on, there is a certain way they should be tightened. After about the third time I had replaced the tire, I started to whine just a bit. This was never a real good idea w/ my Dad and that day was totally the wrong day to do it. He asked me what kind of woman was I going to be? Was I going to be one of "those girls" who called a man to fix her problems all the time? Was I going to let a man handle everything in life? Or not??
At the time all I thought was "geesh, don't have a cow Dad!" But, even as a teenager, sometimes that odd lesson my parents were trying to teach me would actually sink in. I realized that Dad wasn't upset with me for calling him to repair a flat tire. I understood that he was upset w/ himself a bit for not teaching me beforehand how to handle a flat tire and upset with me for just flitting away and letting him handle the problem. I never again asked my Dad to just fix a problem. I had learned to ask him for help fixing my problems and learned a lot by his side like how to bait my own hook, remove my own fish, how to shoot both long guns and hand guns, and that sometimes 10 am is NOT to early for a cold beer! A keg needs tapped a certain way, just like lug nuts need tightened. Friends are there for you just as you are there for them, a hard days work never hurt anyone, helping someone out that needs it is never wrong, and that the best "Cure" for a hangover was pulling weeds in the garden so that all the alcohol would sweat out. (I still don't buy that one!)
I am pretty sure when my folks envisioned my future, they never imagined that I would be married at 19 and a mother at 20. When hubby and I decided to marry, they were shocked and really not sure it was such a great idea. What did Hubby and I know about being adults, having adult responsibilities, becoming parents, etc. Honestly, we didn't know shit about it, but we learned. When our oldest was born my mom was right there, peeking in the delivery room window trying to make sure it was a boy and that everyone was safe and sound. Immediately taking pictures and asking what we needed her to do so that we could bring him home in a couple days. Dad was working in eastern Kentucky on a 24 hour pulling job. He arrived that night at the hospital to see his first grandchild, just before midnight. He counted the toes and was amazed at the amount of hair he had, gave us both a kiss and headed back to Kentucky to finish up his job. No matter what the birth certificate said, Mom christened him "Dak" and my dad christened him "Bud".
The years rolled by as they tend to do. Mom passed away just 5 short years later, never meeting our "Little guy". Dad retired and went about his life of leisure. Keeping our future Army Man several days a week while Hubby and I worked. He would take him to the coffee shop in the mornings and fishing in the afternoons after his (My dad's) nap. Years continued to fly by and Hubby and I hit our 20 year mark. Dad and I had a talk about life during one of our many medical visits. He told me how when I got married, mom and he were worried. They didn't think I had the guts to stick out the hard years, learn how to loose an argument, and how to be a good wife and mother. Now, that may sound harsh to some of you, but trust me...he was right on the money. Up until I started dating hubby, I wasn't the most responsible of children and I was a tad bit spoiled. I liked having my fun and really pouted when I couldn't. Yeah, I had a job but didn't have bills. The money I earned went for play. Buying gas and beer for road trips were my "responsibilities". Hubby on the other hand knew all about bills and responsibilities and was much more mature than I was, good thing! Dad went on to tell me how proud he was of us both. Hubby was a good man and that I had turned out to be a damn good woman and that we had raised two fine young men. That made my day. He also asked if I ever regretted not completing college and what I wanted out of the rest of my life. I told him no, I didn't regret not finishing school and that I just wanted to live life and enjoy myself (yup, I still pout when I don't get to have my "fun"), watch my kids grow up and look forward to grand kids. Dad told me that while he was very proud of me and the life I lived, he always had hoped I would go back and finish up my schooling. I argued back that I had learned more in my 15 years at my current job than I ever would have learned in school (yes, even at 39 I still had to argue). He just shrugged and agreed that I had learned my job and did it well it seemed and he let the subject drop.
Little did I realize at the time how much I was still learning from my Dad. That day is the day I learned that no matter what I want for my children, they will and should live their own lives. Just because I envisioned myself attending Army Man's graduation from College with his Veterinarian Degree, that was not the same picture he has in his head for his future. Even though we do our best to encourage our children down what we "think" will be the right path, at some point you have to step back and let them travel on their own. They have to make their mistakes, fight their own battles, fall on their face and learn to stand on their own two feet. How else are they going to know when something is absolutely RIGHT in their life? Both of my boys have made choices that I didn't particularly care for at the time but turned out to be the right choice for them. I admire my oldest for having the courage to live life his way and am pretty sure our Little Guy has learned a lot from his big brother in that regard. They both have the stubbornness in them so that they will not be forced into a mold that doesn't fit.
To this day, when we get a different vehicle, I will take the time to learn where the jack goes, where the lug wrench and spare tire are hidden and how to take off the lug nut cover. But, I will say that when I do have a flat tire, I still call hubby because even though I know how, my little pea brain says "You have a husband, one adult male child and one almost adult male child. Changing a tire and cleaning a fish are two things you shouldn't ever have to do!"
Another little tidbit is that I have started looking at classes offered at local schools. While I have not yet made up my mind to "finish up my schooling" I have not totally ruled that option out. Even at 42 it's hard to decide what you want to be when you grow up, ;) Who knows? Maybe my Army Man and I will both graduate as he has decided school isn't such a bad idea afterall......
Happy Father's day to all of you "Dads" that are in my life. Each and every one of you guys rock and should ALL know that you really do make a tremendous impact on every life you touch! Thanks for being you!
Happy Father's Day in Heaven Dad...thank you so much for kicking me in the ass when I needed it. I am pretty sure I wouldn't be half of the woman I am w/out it! Love and miss you daily!
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