It’s that time of year. The time we all sit back and take stock of our lives. At least I do. I find that I am much more aware of everything around me during this time of year. This has been a year of big change for me. I have learned more about myself in the last 12 months than the previous 40 years. I finally have figured out a few things about myself that I really never knew. Maybe I did know them just didn’t ever truly embrace them.
First thing I learned about myself: I am a pretty darn strong woman. Not physically because in all honesty, I am a wimp on that end of things. I am speaking from the emotional side of things. I feel like 2013 has been my year for adversity and damnit when I look back, I think I handled my shit pretty darn well and have come to this day a much better person who is at peace with herself and those in my life.
Second thing is that overall, I AM a good person. I don’t go back on my word, I am a kind and caring soul, and I stand by my friends and family through it all and they do the same for me. I would never sacrifice a friendship to better myself, I do everything in my power to help those I can, and god help you if you try to hurt someone I care for. And yes, I have finally realized that I deserve this wonderful life that I have. If that sounds cocky then so be it as I have also become a lot more confident in myself and my opinions.
Third thing: We are blessed that my son has brought a new young woman into our family along with her darling little girl. Hubby and I are both enjoying the “unofficial” grandparent role that we are playing. Hubby is keeping the candy dish full of M&M’s and loves feeding her chocolate and Mt. Dew. Who would ever thought we would enjoy picking out clothing and toys for girls?? We both think we are going to enjoy spoiling that little turd. I will tell you one thing, this young woman and her little girl are making my son the happiest I have seen him in a long time and that just warms my heart like you can’t imagine.
The last, really major revelation about myself is that I DO actually care what people think about me. I have lived most of my life saying I don’t give two shits what people think about me. And to a point that is true. I am perfectly comfortable leaving the house in my sweat pants, ball cap, no shower and no make-up or I am just as comfortable going out, dressed up and looking good. If someone wants to judge me based on my appearance then I can do nothing about that. But when it comes to my character I have found that I do care. I have went through a bit of character assassination during the past year and that really bothers me. Not so much about who is saying it but that people may actually think that it is a true picture of who/what I am. While I have come to understand I can’t change what people may think of me in that case, I do care that they think it and try my best daily to disprove the rumors. Don’t get me wrong, I am still going to express myself loudly and proudly. I am still probably going to have nights that I drink too much and act like a fool, I am still going to share my inappropriate thoughts on Facebook, and I am still going to be the smartass that y’all love.
All in all, it’s been a good year. I am looking forward to next year and am excited about all of the possibilities that are out there. Not just for me but for everyone. I have never been one to make resolutions at New Years. Hell, why waste my breath? I am much more comfortable saying the following statements:
To my husband: You are my best friend and the love of my life. You keep me grounded when I need to be, you hold me back from punching people when I lose my temper, (even though you probably would like to put a gag on me as well) and you put up with my weirdness with the tolerance and patience of a saint. I will keep doing all the things I do that make you shake your head while grinning. You are my rock.
To my kids: I will continue to love and support you no matter what. I will appreciate what you do and will treasure the joy you bring me. I will push you to achieve everything you are capable of and will be your biggest cheerleader while you make it happen. I know how blessed I really am. Take all the lessons you learn and pass them on as you grow.
To my friends: I will be there for anything you need and will never turn my back on you. I will defend you to my last breath, I will drink with you until we are all stupid, and I may occasionally laugh so hard I piss my pants. And the really neat thing is, you will all do the same for and with me!
It is my sincerest wish to any and all who read this that you find yourself surrounded by family, friends and love during the holiday season. Take the time to really enjoy and appreciate all that you have and maybe try to share that with someone who isn’t as fortunate as you are. Peace and Love my friends! Merry Christmas!
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