Gap? Hell, it's a Chasm...

Back when I was a young one, I remember my parents and grandparents discussing the "Generation Gap" and their frustrations with the "kids these days". During the course of my day today, I finally realized exactly what they were talking about. Respectfully, I have to say that the Generation Gap terminology no longer applies. I seriously feel like it is a Generation Chasm.

This morning I had two young men in my office at different times. By young men I am meaning over 18 but under 25. Here's how those moments went:

Young man #1 - This young man had interviewed for a position and was hired for that position starting the following Monday. Low and behold, that following Monday comes and he doesn't report for work. (this happens A LOT!) Today he arrives in my office wondering if he could start next Monday. I'm thinking, 'Really?' but refrain from sarcasm. I tell him that all of our positions are currently full and that we aren't hiring at the moment. He tells me to just hang onto his previously completed application and next time we're hiring I should just call him. I politely as possible tell him that his application is no longer active (it's in a round file somewhere) and that he isn't eligible for employment with us due to the fact that he failed to show up for work or communicate with us in any way that he wouldn't be here. He then tells me that I just don't understand his problems and that I am being unfair. Okay...maybe I am being a bit harsh? I ask him to explain his problems. His problems/reasons why he couldn't come to work: his alarm didn't go off, he was in Indiana and didn't realize the time difference (uhh, HELLO? Indiana is an hour AHEAD of us? You should have been early?), and last but not least, it's hard to get up and go to work that early. Didn't take me long to determine that I wasn't being harsh at all.

Young Man #2: This young man had worked here for 3 days and then just stopped showing up. No call, no nothing. He came in and asked for an application, which I provided and he completed. He asked when he could expect a call for an interview. I told him that all of our positions are full and that we aren't hiring. He puffs up his chest and informs me that so & so (I have no clue who he was talking about?) said we were hiring. I said sorry, but they're mistaken, we don't have anything open. He glares at me hard and takes a step toward me into my office. I keep an eye on him while feeling around for my pepper spray which I located quickly. He sees the canister, calls me a "F'ing Bitch" and slams out of the office. I wait until he's off the property, put my pepper spray back in it's spot and feed my round file another snack.

Now, I am not so presumptuous to assume that ALL 18 - 25 year olds act this way. Fortunately, I do know better. But these type of young men are, unfortunately, the ones that the rest of them are sometimes judged by just because the impression is so terribly bad. This attitude really sticks out in peoples minds. I have a son in this age group (soon to be 2 sons)and I would be ashamed to hear that either of them behaved this way and probably wouldn't be above smacking their mouth, even now. ;)

My day has definitely went in generational stages. The next part of the day was spent dealing with folks of my generation (30 - 55 yrs old). As I work in a mostly male dominated field, everyone happened to be a guy that I dealt with today, but knowing several women of this generation, I think this is pretty much the general rule. I deal with men and women from the financial/insurance, service, clerical and technical fields. In my experience, our generation is a little more relaxed, eager to assist, happy to share/listen to an off color joke or comment, demand results on tasks, and are more than willing to cooperate with you on what needs accomplished. One other thing I have noticed of 'my generation' is that we don't accept excuses very often, we demand responsibility and productivity. Of course, there are exceptions to these rules but they are few and far between. The men I deal with treat me with respect but not kid gloves. The don't call me Mrs Steber, honey, or baby, they call me Suzi. They will still do the heavy lifting if needed but also understand that my lack of dangly genitals does not mean I am stupid or incapable. My generation really is awesome! (True Fact-The most sexist demographic I deal with is the younger men. This floors me!)

Last but not least the older generation crossed my path (65+). I was walking out of the grocery store with my cart about as full as you can get it. Being a somewhat fast walker, I quickly went by the older gentleman, who had to be 75 if he was a day, in front of me. Turns out we were parked next to each other. I have my cart almost unloaded when he puts his single bag of goodies into his car. He turns to me and I grin at him, as I think he's awfully cute in his fedora, suspenders and khaki pants, and he says to me "Sweetie, what on earth are you doing?" I look around at what's left in the cart, 1 misc. bag of food, 2 cases of water and a 12 pk of soda and I have to ask him "What do you mean?" He proceeds to gently nudge me out of the way and then HE puts the bag, water and soda into the truck for me. I thank him and try to take the cart he's pushing to the cart rack for me. He tut tut's me and won't let me help. So, being the complete extrovert that I am, I walk with him. We exchange names and make small talk while we walk from the cart rack back to my truck. At this point, this darling little man asks me "What on earth is a sweet little thing like you doing driving this giant truck?" I do my absolute best not to snicker because this gentleman is at least 8" shorter than I am and I bet I have at least 40 pounds on him (anyone calling me a 'little thing' is probably due for their annual eye exam). He continues to say "you go tell that man of yours that you need a nice car to drive, not this monster truck!" He opens my door and actually extends his hand to 'help' me climb up into my monster truck (It REALLY isn't that big, is it??). We do the normal thank you, be careful, take care type of goodbye and he shuts my truck door from outside AFTER ensuring that I am buckled up and all of my limbs are fully and safely in the truck. All I can say is Phillip better be careful because I have a complete crush on my sweet, kind, chivalrous gentleman friend from the store!

Again, I freely admit that there are good kids in that younger generation, the same as there are butt heads in my generation and the occasional cranky old fart in the older generation. But, for me going from being called a "F'ing Bitch" to a "sweet little thing" all in the course of 6 hours just really brought it all into focus. I can only hope that eventually this chasm will shrink back to a gap. That respect and courtesy will be ageless and chivalry will never die.

Happy Thursday Folks! Be kind, be funny, be strong, and always smile at a man wearing a fedora, khaki pants and suspenders!

Orphanism (is that a word?)

Forgive me this one small indulgence and maybe just a little bit of self pity.....

Tomorrow would have been my mothers 75th birthday. Is it possible she has been gone almost 19 years already? I shake my head in dismay when I stop and realize all of the things I wasn't able to share with her. I wonder what our relationship would be like now. Would she like the woman I have become? Would she still give me a verbal kick in the ass if I was feeling sorry for myself? Would we still butt heads like two strong women sometimes do? (I kinda think 'yes' to all of these!)

The day we realized mom just wasn't going to make it is forever etched in my mind. Every minute of that day still seems like it was yesterday. The last words she said to Phillip and I, I can still hear echoing through my head. To me she said "Oh, my poor sweet baby" while kissing my hand. And to Phillip "You WILL take care of my baby, ALWAYS." I think I will always be able to 'hear' those words and for that I am grateful. She was a strong woman who made it a point to talk to each of us during those final hours. She always had the last word, even then.

One regret I have is that she never had the chance to see what/who I would become or really get to know me as an adult. Maybe she had an inkling I would turn out to be at least an okay human being? I sure would like to think so. I was 25 when mom died. Damn, that's young ain't it? When I look back at that time I realize that even though I was married and had a child, I was still a kid in so many ways. The advice she gave that I resented, the tips and criticisms that sometimes felt hateful, really weren't, they were guidance. The swat on the ass she may have gave my young Army man when he was being a shit head wasn't a reflection on me like I assumed at the time, it was because the kid needed a swat on his ass! My youngest was born 11 months after mom died. If I had $1 for every time I picked up the phone the next year after his birth to call her and brag, ask for advice, or just to vent, I probably could have retired at 27. The older I get and the older my children get, the more of her good parts (that I was to silly to see as good) I see in myself... That's not me bragging, just me being my brutally honest self.

I learned about pain when my mom died. With dad, I learned even more about pain, but I also learned about compassion and making time for what counts in life. Dad often said "do it when you can, not when you think you should" He expressed his regrets that he and mom put off plans for their retirement. As I watched him slowly decline while fighting with everything he had I learned how important it is to just have someone hold your hand and speak of comfort. I also learned that a good day fishing is worth the dirty nails, a cold beer can't really hurt anything...even at 10 am, and being true to yourself and speaking your mind won't cost you your REAL friends. Man, I could go on for pages and pages of what I learned from him. Actually, from both, but to be 100% honest, I was to young and immature to realize and treasure all the lessons learned from mom.

I love spring, but it sure does bring it all crashing back for some reason. Folks, hug your parents, take them out for dinner and spend time with them at every opportunity. Yeah, they will always give unsolicited advice, dig into your personal life, gripe at you for this that or the other, but it's all done with love. I really don't mean to preach... I just realize what I miss. I miss my Dad and Mom. Everything about them, good and bad.


Being an orphan really fucking sucks!